Impossible Funky Productions: Shanghai Diary: Crunchy Frog

The days are getting a little colder. Not too bad for a fat-ass like me. My layer of blubber keeps me warm even at the coldest depths of the ocean. However, riding around on my scooter, the wind cuts through me like an icy knife.

I asked Serena on Friday if she could order me a jacket and a new pair of jeans. After a lot of math (inches to centimeters, pounds to kilograms), she placed the order at T-Mall and it should be arriving today or tomorrow.

Before I came to Shanghai, I tried to do a lot of research. I've found that some of the things I "learned" are bullshit while others are holding fairly true. The people at the "Passport Health" place where I got vaccinated made me feel like there was disease lurking around every corner here. "Don't shower with your mouth open! Don't shave in the shower! Always wipe off your chopsticks before you use them because they don't clean them well!" You could say the same thing about any big city -- save for the chopsticks -- if you eat at a crappy restaurant you should expect crappy conditions. Even the tiniest hole-in-the-wall that I've been to here has been as clean as I'd expect from a big city greasy spoon (or greasy chopstick in this case). It's all good.

I was warned "Chinese people are very rude." I disagree with this broad generalization. There are things that Chinese people will say or ask that Americans tend to avoid. That brings me back to Serena ordering me pants. She told me that the jeans I wear are not very flattering at all and that they make me look fat. She has asked me a few times why I'm so fat and if I'm doing anything to lose weight. That's not something that you hear from relative strangers in the U.S. but I know she doesn't mean anything malicious. And, hey, I'm working on it so I don't feel that bad either. Moreover, I agree that the jeans I brought with me are awful. They're at least two inches too big in the waist and as much in length. I look like I'm swimming in them. The same goes for some of the shirts I brought. So, here's hoping these new jeans will be able to fit me.

About a year ago I ordered a leather jacket via eBay. It was a 3XL which should have fit me fine. When it arrived, I could barely fit my arm in one of the sleeves. Now I realize that this was a Chinese 3XL. In China I take at least a 7XL which is as big as the vendor for this new jacket carries. Again, I hope that this fits.

The other thing that Serena has asked me about a few times is why I don't have any children of my own. I tried explaining about how selfish I am and that I spend time and money on myself and am too involved in my own navel-gazing that I didn't feel mature enough to take care of a new life. I barely can give Andrea enough time, much less another human who would be wholly dependent on me.

When I look at the friends I grew up with (all those people I mentioned in my UK Journal posts), I don't see many kids. I don't know what it was about us but no one that I still talk to or occasionally hang out with is a parent: Jeff, Leon, Steve, Aimee. Most of my college housemates have two kids: Jonathan, Buck, Matt, and Matt. Yet, the Riverview group is childless.

Back in Southfield, the majority of my direct co-workers don't have any kids, though most of them are in their twenties. Yet, here in the Shanghai office, it seems like not having kids is the exception rather than the rule. It feels like most of my co-workers here are ten to twenty years younger, though it's hard for me to judge ages for white people so I'm rubbish at Asians.

On Saturday, the office had a big "family day." In fact, it felt like the whole area (the whole city?) had a family weekend. Some of the restaurants around me put up playground equipment and there were kids everywhere. I felt a little bad that I wasn't invited to the family day stuff at work but, after seeing pictures, I wouldn't have been comfortable since it was truly all about catering to the kids.

This experience is making me realize just how much more I need to reach out to guests that visit the Southfield office. Traveling can be a lonely affair. While I love the idea of going back to my apartment at the end of the day to watch movies, read, edit podcasts, and write, I also would like the occasional outing and seeing "the real Shanghai." Again, I don't know if it's a cultural thing or because everyone has their own lives and families, but there are times where I wish I had co-workers saying, "Hey, let's go out to so and so on Saturday..." Or, "Drinks after work tonight, are you coming?" Then, again, I think I'm okay without that. I imagine I missed that window and it was open when Jason and Laura were here.

I've talked to some people here and they're amazed that I don't have a "handler" from my office. An assigned friend, as it were. I told them that this would be perceived as weak in American business culture. Likewise, people are amazed that my co-workers aren't checking in more often with me, especially the mucky-mucks. Again, fine by me. I know enough of how to do the work assigned to me and try to help out with other things so I don't need constant contact. Just unconditional love.