Tuesday, June 17, 2008

In Space, No One Can Hear You Cream

Not surprisingly, it was the porn industry who first cashed in on Star Wars phenomenon. Known for quickie knockoffs of current hits (Edward Penishands, anyone?), Star Babe was helmed by actress-turned-director Anne Perry-Rhine and stars a trio of comely lasses—Star Babe, Milky Way, and Twinkle Toes—as members of the United World Space Agency. They’re on a mission to find secret plans for a weapon that could destroy the Earth. This takes them through a universe comprised of old film reels from a high school astronomy class painfully narrated by Star Babe. Between these clips there’s a great deal of fellatio with guys wearing questionable costumes who boast human genitalia and annoying celebrity-imitation voiceovers (W.C. Fields, Richard Nixon, etc.). Picking up these “aliens” at The Anus Bar, Star Babe discovers the secret plans, while Twinkle Toes is kidnapped by a couple of guys—one wearing a bed sheet and Storm Trooper mask, the other donning a Darth Vader knockoff ensemble.

While Darth Vadar and his minion are cleverly defeated by Loogie, a guy in an ape suit, the gals manage to take out the secret weapon—a giant phallus that shoots “sperm missiles.” Star Babe took the idea of an interplanetary cantina, secret plans, and Darth Vadar for this hackneyed no-budget flick. Otherwise, this “costume drama” is purely a by-the-numbers skin flick that doesn’t boldly go into any new or interesting sexual frontiers.

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