Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 12, 2026

The Job Isn't Real. The Desperation Is.



I lost my job. Almost immediately, the bots showed up.

They arrived dressed as recruiters — names, headshots, employment histories, job titles pitched to sound reassuring, opening lines pitched to sound warm. My background “stood out,” they said. My experience aligned perfectly with something they were recruiting for right now. They congratulated me before I had done anything. They praised qualifications they hadn't actually read. They floated numbers: $160,000. $200,000. Once, $400,000.

For a few seconds, that's the most valuable thing you can hand someone in a job search. Not a job. Hope.

Then they tried to sell me a résumé.

This is one of the uglier things artificial intelligence is doing right now, and it's spreading fast across LinkedIn and email. Call it what it is — not spam. Spam is honest about its indifference. It throws the same pitch at everyone and waits for one bite. This is worse. It simulates personal interest, professional judgment, human concern — machinery built to counterfeit care, aimed at people who are financially and emotionally exposed.

The script barely varies.

Flattery first. Your background stood out. Your experience is impressive. You look like a strong match. Then a few questions — what role are you after, when can you start, what's the number you want. Answer honestly, and the machine hands your own answer back to you a few minutes later, dressed up as an opportunity. Say you want a remote UX leadership role at $160,000, and — what luck — a remote UX leadership role appears, paying $160,000 to $180,000. The job description runs thousands of words. Leadership. Stakeholder engagement. Commercial impact. Design governance. Accessibility. Risk. Compensation. The first six to twelve months, mapped out for a job that does not exist.

It doesn't read like a job posting. It reads like the output of a very long prompt.

One of these listings, dressed in all that polish, included a link to reference-url-citation.invalid. Not a careers page. A fossil — what's left behind when a machine invents a citation and nobody, human or otherwise, checks the work.

Say yes, and the trap tightens. Suddenly the résumé that supposedly caught someone's eye isn't good enough anymore. The structure is “too basic.” The summary “lacks impact.” The accomplishments aren't measurable. The template is unpolished, riddled with clichés, out of step with “modern ATS standards” — a phrase built to sound technical and mean nothing.

The speed is the tell. One stranger on LinkedIn asked to review my résumé at 4:20 p.m. I sent it at 4:37. By 4:52 she had diagnosed extensive problems throughout the document — fifteen minutes, apparently, being enough time to conduct a comprehensive executive résumé analysis and identify that what I really needed was a specialist she happened to know.

That specialist is the destination. The job was bait.

Other versions ask for a “Letter of Interest.” A “Statement of Qualifications.” A “Personal Brand Statement.” A “Professional Achievement Summary.” These arrive framed as urgent, sometimes after a hiring manager who does not exist has supposedly already approved the candidate. Then comes the offer to connect you with a trusted expert who can whip the document into shape.

The language is built to sound helpful while it manufactures insecurity. Your experience is strong, they say, but you're presenting it wrong. The opportunity is real, they imply, but your documents are holding you back. You're almost there. You've been approved. You've been prioritized. The employer is interested. All that stands between you and six figures is the paid service the next person in the chain happens to sell.

This isn't recruiting. It's a confidence trick with a résumé at the center of it. And AI is what makes it cheap enough to run at scale.

A human scammer had to spend time on each mark. Generative AI doesn't. It writes flattering introductions, bespoke job descriptions, résumé critiques, reassuring objections, and follow-up messages for thousands of people simultaneously. It mirrors your own vocabulary and salary number back at you. It fakes empathy convincingly enough to hold a conversation together — right up until you say something outside the script.

I told one of these supposed recruiters, directly: “I've had a lot of bots trying to sell me résumé services. Please don't be a bot.”

No acknowledgment. Just another enormous job description, dropped in whole.

That might be the cleanest image of what job searching with AI in the mix has become: a person asks if anyone human is on the other end, and the machine answers with more content.

The timing gives it away too. Messages land at 2 a.m. or before sunrise. Go quiet for a few hours and the recruiter sends “???” or complains about your “silence.” One claimed to have paused conversations with other candidates specifically for me — an unsolicited cold message reframed, overnight, as a personal obligation I now owed someone. I had apparently become a top-priority executive candidate without a single interview. I was also expected to answer before breakfast.

Job searching is already asymmetric and often dehumanizing on its own terms. Applications vanish into tracking software. Automated filters reject people before a human ever sees a name. Companies post jobs that are already filled, or were never real to begin with. Candidates tailor résumés and cover letters for employers who can't be bothered to send a rejection.

Now, when people turn to professional networks looking for actual human contact, they run into machines impersonating the very people who might have helped them get out of the machine.

That's the obscenity of it.

Someone who just lost a job is often afraid — about a mortgage, about health insurance, about retirement savings, about feeding a family. They might be embarrassed. They might be grieving colleagues, routine, status, a sense of who they are. When a recruiter says “your background stood out,” that doesn't land as marketing copy. It lands as proof the situation might be survivable.

The people running these funnels take that flicker of relief and monetize it.

Platforms like LinkedIn don't get to treat this as background noise. They've built an environment where a total stranger can borrow every visual signal of professional legitimacy — recruiter labels, company names, polished profiles, verification checkmarks, InMail, calendar links, algorithmically generated introductions. Once those signals can be cheaply faked around a job that doesn't exist, they stop meaning anything at all.

LinkedIn is busy selling AI tools to job seekers and recruiters alike, which means it has a particular obligation here: distinguish assistance from impersonation, recruiting from lead generation. Accounts that repeatedly dangle opportunities and then route people to paid résumé services should get scrutinized. Recruiters should have to name the employer, disclose whether they're actually authorized to represent it, and disclose any financial relationship with the vendor they're about to recommend. Job descriptions should link to a verifiable posting. Mass outreach, instant résumé teardown, fabricated citations, off-platform referrals to a “specialist” — that pattern should trigger review, not run unchecked.

Above all, nobody should have to run a Turing test every time a stranger offers them a livelihood.

A labor market runs on a baseline of trust: that a posted job might actually exist, that a recruiter represents an employer, that an interview is an interview, that professional interest isn't just the opening move of a sales pitch. AI is currently burning through that trust faster than job seekers can build defenses against it.

The job isn't real. The recruiter might not be real. The praise definitely isn't real.

The person on the receiving end is real, though.

The unemployment is real. The fear is real. The hope is real. And building a machine to counterfeit human concern, purely so that hope can be converted into a sale, isn't innovation.

It's exploitation.

Saturday, August 08, 2026

The Screenwriting Shelf

The Screenwriting Shelf: What 24 Craft Books Actually Agree On (and Where They’d Fight About It)

A read-through of twenty-four screenwriting and dramatic-writing books — what they agree on, where they'd genuinely fight, and which ones are worth your money.


Everybody wants to tell you how to write a movie. Walk into any bookstore’s film section and you’ll find a dozen competing systems, each one promising the one true shape of a story — fifteen beats, twenty-two steps, three acts, eleven steps, a “magnificent seven.” These books cite each other, borrow from each other, occasionally take open shots at each other. What almost none of them agree on is how much you should trust a formula in the first place.

I read twenty-four of these books cover to cover — the famous ones (McKee’s Story, Snyder’s Save the Cat!, Field’s Screenplay, Truby’s The Anatomy of Story) alongside the ones nobody talks about at parties but should (Egri’s The Art of Dramatic Writing, from 1946; Mackendrick’s posthumous On Film-making; Jule Selbo’s two books on genre and character) — tracking how each one handles six things: length, structure, transitions, character, plotting, beats. The point wasn’t to crown a winner. It was to find the actual consensus underneath all that competing vocabulary, name the real disagreements instead of pretending they don’t exist, and — since nobody has infinite reading time — tell you which of these two dozen books earn a spot on your shelf and which ones you can skip guilt-free.

The Two Camps

Nearly everything in screenwriting theory sorts into one of two philosophical camps, and naming them up front will save you a lot of confusion later, because most of the disagreements below are really just this fight wearing different clothes.

The formula camp — McKee, Snyder, Field, Trottier, Hunter, Duncan, Vogler (with real caveats), Schwartz, Cole — treats structure as something discoverable, teachable, and diagrammable. Put a number on it. Plot Point I lands around page 25. The midpoint lands around page 55. If your script doesn’t hit those marks, something’s probably off, or at least worth a second look.

The organic camp — Truby, Egri, Kaufman, and Jule Selbo in both her books — thinks this whole approach has it backwards, maybe dangerously so. Structure isn’t imposed from outside, it’s grown from the inside, out of character and premise, and a writer who fills in a template before understanding their people will produce something that clanks no matter how perfectly the beats land. Truby’s The Anatomy of Story is the purest statement of this position: he calls three-act structure “hopelessly simplistic and in many ways just plain wrong.” Egri got there first, in 1946 — “character creates plot, not vice versa” is close to a founding manifesto for the entire wing.

Neither camp is right in a way that makes the other wrong. What’s more interesting is how often the formula-haters end up reproducing formula’s rhythms anyway, and how often the formula-lovers insist, in the same breath, that what they’re teaching isn’t a formula at all. Keep that tension in your back pocket. It resurfaces under every topic below.

Where They Agree

Strip away the competing vocabularies and there’s a surprising amount of consensus hiding underneath. Ten points, ranked by how broadly they’re confirmed.

Scenes must be caused, not just sequenced. The single most universally endorsed idea in the whole set, phrased a dozen different ways. McKee frames it as causality versus coincidence. Kaufman: “because of this, that happens,” never “and then… and then.” John Schimmel — a former studio executive — credits South Park’s Trey Parker and Matt Stone with the cleanest version: every scene connects to the next with “but then” or “therefore,” never “and then.” If you could swap two scenes in your script and nothing would notice, one of them isn’t doing its job.

A screenplay runs ninety to a hundred and twenty pages, one page reading as roughly one minute of screen time, and acts split close to 25/50/25. Independently confirmed by Field, McKee, Trottier, Hunter, Duncan, Seger, Selbo, and Schimmel — different decades, different specialties, same numbers.

Plot and character can’t be separated as design problems. Arguably the deepest agreement in the collection, because it cuts straight across the formula/organic divide. McKee, Kaufman, Truby, Egri, and Selbo all state some version of this as a first principle, using five completely different vocabularies to say the exact same thing: a plot poured onto a character from the outside always reads as mechanical.

A load-bearing pivot belongs near the story’s mathematical center. Eleven-plus independently built systems — Field’s Midpoint, Snyder’s Midpoint, Trottier’s “Pinch,” Hunter’s floating page 60, Vogler’s Ordeal, Selbo’s “Battle of the Bulge” split — all locate a major turn at roughly the halfway mark. Nobody borrowed this in a straight line. Screenwriting teachers, script doctors, editors, and mythologists all found their way there separately, which is exactly what makes it worth trusting.

The first act — specifically the first ten to thirty pages — is the highest-leverage real estate in the whole script. Field says you get about ten minutes to establish who your character is and what’s at stake. Schimmel calls it “the thirty-page rule”: if the first thirty pages don’t work, nothing after them matters, because that’s as far as a professional reader gets before making up their mind.

Deus ex machina is the cardinal sin of plotting. McKee calls it “the writer’s greatest sin.” Kaufman, Mackendrick, and Selbo all say some version of the same thing independently, and all four land on Aristotle’s Poetics as the root of it. Coincidence is allowed to complicate a story early, while it still has to be dealt with. It is never allowed to resolve one.

History should work as a lens on the present, not a diorama. The strongest single convergence in the whole set, because it comes from two writers arguing from unrelated theories. McKee, working from genre theory, says the only legitimate reason to set a film in the past is anachronism — history “as a clear glass through which you show us the present.” Truby, working from his organic character-web theory with no apparent debt to McKee on this point, calls the opposite instinct “the Fallacy of the Past”: the mistaken belief that historical fiction’s job is to avoid judging people by present standards. His actual position: “we show them in order to judge ourselves by comparison.” Two writers, two frameworks, one conclusion. That’s worth more than either claim on its own.

Camera direction doesn’t belong in a spec script. Trottier, Cole, and Schwartz converge almost word for word: no CUT TO, no shot specification, let the story direct itself.

On-the-nose dialogue — dialogue that explains instead of dramatizes — is the most common, most damaging mistake an amateur script makes. McKee, Kaufman, Hunter, and the dialogue specialists Driver and Bloom all name this as the tell of an inexperienced writer.

A script can only sustain a small number of fully realized characters. Seger puts a hard number on it: six or seven at the outside, usually three to five drawn in real depth, with everyone else serving a clear, nameable function.

Where They Genuinely Disagree

This is the part most summaries flatten out, and flattening it is a mistake, because the disagreements are exactly where a working writer has to actually make a call.

The deepest fault line, again, is whether structure should be imposed or discovered — formula camp against organic camp, as above. Nothing in these twenty-four books resolves it, and it probably shouldn’t be resolved. It reads less like a question with a correct answer and more like a genuine difference in how different writers’ brains work.

Does genre buy you extra pages? Schimmel says yes — a hundred-and-thirty-page historical drama is fine, a hundred-and-thirty-page rom-com will end your career. Duncan says no — even a sprawling sci-fi epic has to fit in roughly a hundred pages, full stop. Two format-minded professionals, flatly contradicting each other.

Does your protagonist need to be likable? Michael Rogan, writing in a deliberately brash, contrarian register, calls the likability rule “total horse crap” and argues obsessive drive beats sympathy every time, citing Michael Corleone and Popeye Doyle as his exhibits. Schwartz, writing a gentler beginner’s guide, insists the audience has to feel for your characters or nothing else works. Schimmel and Truby split the difference independently: audiences need to identify with a character, which is a lower, different bar than liking them.

Is a protagonist’s own flaw a legitimate antagonist, or do you always need a separate opposing force? Schimmel says flaw-as-antagonist “almost never” works, allowing Raging Bull (1980) as close to the only real exception. McKee and Truby are looser about it, letting antagonism be personal, extra-personal, or entirely internal depending on the story.

Are page numbers literal targets or loose guidance? Worth flagging as a disagreement one author had with himself. Snyder’s original Save the Cat! gives you a literal page number for the Catalyst (page 12) and the Midpoint (page 55). By the time he wrote Save the Cat! Strikes Back, and in the posthumous Goes to the Indies, his own collaborators were converting those page numbers into percentages, because the literal version was producing formulaic scripts. Even the most rigid system in the whole set revised itself toward flexibility.

Is flashback a legitimate structural tool or an inherent weakness? Cole and Mackendrick both treat it as close to a crutch — Mackendrick calls it “inherently weak as a transition device” because it lacks forward pressure. Schmidt builds an entire structural model around it (she calls it the Fate structure; it covers most film noir), and Jessica Brody’s prose-focused Save the Cat! Writes a Novel treats it as completely normal. My read: this isn’t really a craft disagreement, it’s a medium difference. Prose tolerates a jump backward in time better than film does, because film has to solve it visually, in real time, in front of you.

Should marketability shape character and structural choices? Schimmel builds castability and “trailer moments” directly into his craft vocabulary — commercial considerations as legitimate design inputs, not an afterthought. The organic camp, Truby and Egri and Kaufman especially, would call that close to a category error: you discover the story’s shape from the material first, and the poster is a later problem.

Does a character have to change? McKee and Snyder both lean toward treating an arc as close to mandatory for a complex protagonist — Snyder’s own phrase for it is “the Covenant of the Arc.” But Duncan’s genre chapter identifies whole genres (the Whydunit is his example) built around a static hero where the audience’s understanding changes instead, and Snyder’s own later book, breaking down All the President’s Men (1976), admits exactly this: “the hero doesn’t change — the audience does.” Schmidt goes further, building a formal “Rebellion” branch into her Masculine Journey model specifically for protagonists who refuse to change, citing Ahab as the type. Even the writers most committed to arc-as-mandatory carve out exceptions in their own later work.

And a smaller, more annoying one: these books don’t even agree on what “beat” means. McKee and Mackendrick use it for the smallest unit of action and reaction inside a scene, a pair of behaviors, like “Groveling” met by “Ignoring.” Snyder and Trottier use it for a named checkpoint on a whole-script outline — the Catalyst, the Midpoint, the moment everything falls apart. Selbo uses it for neither. For her a beat is specifically a silent, emotionally charged pause inside a scene, and she argues in print that the other two usages are simply wrong. Read enough of these back to back and you start needing to ask “which beat do you mean” the way you’d ask a doctor to clarify which kind of “positive” they meant.

The Best Lessons, Regardless of Camp

A handful of ideas showed up so often, from so many different directions, that they’re worth pulling out on their own — the things actually worth carrying into a draft no matter which camp you belong to.

Know your ending before you write page one. Field’s version is blunt — “Know Your Ending!” — and he backs it with a Billy Wilder line worth keeping on an index card above your desk: if you ever have trouble with your ending, the answer is almost always in the beginning. Kaufman calls the same instinct “progressing backwards.” Trottier calls it “outlining backwards.” Three books, no coordination, same advice.

Apply the deletion test. If you can cut a scene and nothing downstream notices, cut it. Shows up in Kaufman, in Mackendrick’s editing-room experience, in Schimmel’s studio-reader perspective — three people who never worked together, giving the same note.

Convert exposition into ammunition. Nobody wants to watch two characters explain the plot to each other. The trick, repeated across nearly every book that touches dialogue, is to make characters use facts as weapons in a live conflict instead of handing over information.

Melodrama isn’t a problem of too much emotion, it’s a problem of too little cause. McKee’s redefinition, and it’s useful precisely because it tells you what to actually fix. A scene that feels melodramatic doesn’t need to be dialed down. It needs more of the causal groundwork underneath it to land, so the emotional payoff feels earned instead of dropped on you from a height.

Real historical figures carry weight a fictional character can’t, and they don’t get a fictional villain’s exaggeration license. Two observations worth keeping together if you’re working from true events. Truby notes a documented historical figure arrives on the page with what he calls “prefabricated power, like the flag” — the audience has feelings about them before they say a word. Duncan’s caution runs the other direction: real people, even functioning as an antagonist, still need plausible, three-dimensional motivation. You don’t get to play them as a cartoon just because the story needs an obstacle.

The best biopics don’t cover a whole life. Selbo states this as flatly as anyone in the collection: find the pivotal window, not the whole chronicle, and let another genre — sports story, romance, courtroom drama — do the structural work of organizing the true material. A film that tries to be everything the subject’s life was ends up being a highlight reel instead of a story.

What to Buy, and What You Can Skip

Here’s the part you actually clicked for. A straight verdict, organized by what you’d get for your money and your reading time.

Buy these first. The essential shelf.

McKee’s Story (1997) is still the single most comprehensive book on this list, and it’s the one most of the other twenty-three are quietly arguing with or borrowing from. If you only ever read one screenwriting book, this is the one.

Field’s Screenplay is the ancestor text. Nearly every later beat-sheet system, Snyder’s included, descends directly from Field’s Paradigm. The film references are dated. The structural thinking isn’t, and reading it explains where half the other books’ vocabulary actually came from.

Snyder’s original Save the Cat! (2005) earns its reputation. It’s the most commercially minded, most immediately actionable book here, and whatever you think of formula as a philosophy, its fifteen beats are the shared vocabulary of the modern spec market. You need to know this system even if you have no intention of following it.

Truby’s The Anatomy of Story is the fullest, most rigorously argued version of the organic-camp position, and it’s worth owning even if you end up disagreeing with it, because it’s the best stress test I found for whether your own structure is actually motivated by character or just filled in from a template.

Egri’s The Art of Dramatic Writing is the oldest book on the list, 1946, and it holds up better than almost anything published since. His premise-and-character-first method quietly seeds most of what the organic camp argues today, and his chapter on building character through dialectical contradiction is the deepest single treatment of building a person from the inside out in the whole collection.

Trottier’s The Screenwriter’s Bible is the one to own for format. Nobody else in this set gets as granular about margins, brads, and the seventeen things that make a script read as amateur before a reader’s gotten past page one. That’s genuinely useful, because format mistakes get scripts rejected before the writing is even judged.

Selbo’s Film Genre for the Screenwriter deserves to be better known than it is. Her “mental space” framework for how genre actually works on an audience is a genuinely original contribution, and she’s the only writer in this whole collection who treats biopic, historical, and period as three separate genres with concrete rules for each — directly useful if you’re working from real events.

Buy these if you have a specific need.

Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey is worth it if you’re working with myth-adjacent material or want an archetype vocabulary beyond McKee’s, but read Campbell’s own words too if the mythic structure genuinely interests you. Vogler’s adaptation quietly drops some of Campbell’s more interesting, more metaphysical arguments about why these patterns resonate at all.

Seger’s Making a Good Script Great is the best book on this list if your actual problem is a finished draft that isn’t working, rather than a blank page. It’s a diagnostic manual, not a drafting manual, and worth having for exactly that stage.

Hunter’s Screenwriting 434 overlaps heavily with McKee and Field, but his rewrite chapter — a genuine four-stage process that includes a read-the-dialogue-aloud pass — and his firsthand account of writing biographical teleplays earn it a spot if historical or true-story material is your focus.

Schmidt’s Story Structure Architect works better as a reference you dip into than a book you read cover to cover. The eleven alternative structures and the fifty-five dramatic situations (a Polti expansion) are genuinely useful when you’re stuck on a specific scene, less useful as a sustained argument.

Kaufman’s Plots and Characters is a good corrective if you’ve been reading too much formula, a produced screenwriter’s blunt skepticism about all of it, but it’s thinner and less systematic than Truby or Egri on the same territory. Read it after them, not instead of them.

Mackendrick’s On Film-making is technically a directing book, but it has more genuinely useful screenwriting material in it than several books explicitly marketed as screenwriting guides. His editor’s-eye sense of beats, density, and cutting is unlike anything else in this collection. Worth it specifically if you think visually.

Skip these, or treat them as optional extras.

The Save the Cat! sequels, Strikes Back and Goes to the Movies, mostly refine and re-argue the original book’s system with new case studies. Fine for a completist, not essential. Save the Cat! Writes a Novel is the exception, if you’re working in prose specifically, since it’s the only book in the set that seriously addresses what changes between page and screen.

Selbo’s other book, Screenplay: Building Story Through Character, is good, but it covers ground her own genre book and Truby’s Anatomy of Story already cover from a similar angle. Buy it only if you want a third articulation of the want/need split specifically.

Duncan’s Genre Screenwriting has a genuinely useful business chapter and some solid genre-by-genre templates, but as a genre reference it’s been superseded by Selbo’s more original, more current framework. Read Selbo first, add Duncan only if you specifically want his industry-economics data.

Schimmel’s Screenwriting Behind Enemy Lines has real value if you specifically want the studio-executive’s view of what makes a script sellable, but a good third of it overlaps with material covered more rigorously elsewhere. Library read, not necessarily a purchase.

The dialogue-specific books, Driver’s How To Write Dialogue That Sparkles and Master Screenplay Dialogue, are useful if dialogue is a specific, diagnosed weakness, but they’re built almost entirely from tools McKee, Kaufman, and Hunter already cover in less concentrated form. A targeted refresher, not a foundational text.

The beginner trio — Cole’s How to Write a Screenplay, Schwartz’s How to Write: A Screenplay, Rogan’s How to Write a Screenplay That Doesn’t Suck — are honestly interchangeable with each other, and all three restate fundamentals McKee, Field, and Snyder cover with more depth and more authority. If you’re a true beginner and want something shorter and friendlier than Story, pick one of the three, not all of them. Rogan’s is the most entertaining if you want a jolt of contrarian energy. Schwartz’s is the gentlest.

Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey: Campbell on His Life and Work is the odd one out here, because it isn’t a craft book at all, it’s a compilation of interviews and lectures. Genuinely worth reading if you want the theoretical roots underneath Vogler’s more practical adaptation, particularly Campbell’s distinction between a story’s local, culturally specific surface and its deeper universal pattern. Not a substitute for Vogler if what you need is a working tool. Most working screenwriters can skip it and lose nothing they’d actually use on the page.

The Real Takeaway

Read enough of these books back to back and a strange thing happens: the fight between formula and instinct starts to look less like a real disagreement and more like two vocabularies describing the same underlying shape. Even Rogan, screaming that three-act structure is “bull crap,” ends up recommending a reversal every ten pages, which is, on inspection, almost exactly Field’s Paradigm with the serial numbers filed off. Even Truby, the most committed anti-formula voice in the whole collection, still puts his major turns roughly where McKee, Snyder, and Field would predict. He just insists, correctly, that you have to arrive there through character, not a fill-in-the-blank template.

The honest lesson from all twenty-four books, taken together, isn’t “use this system” or “ignore every system.” It’s that the shape these writers keep independently rediscovering — causality over coincidence, a pivot near the center, character generating plot rather than the reverse, an ending you know before you write the opening page — is worth trusting precisely because so many people arrived at it from so many different directions. The vocabulary you use to talk about it matters a lot less than whether you understand why it works.

Saturday, April 06, 2024

Sick of It

I don't have anything against Karina Longworth or her podcast, You Must Remember This. I've listened to a few dozen hours of the show and apart from Longworth's delivery and over-ennunciation, I think it's a very well-researched and produced show. Am I jealous that Longworth has a staff to do the production and some of the research? Not really. Do I think she got anywhere due to her husband, Rian Johnson? Absolutely not. She's doing something right and I just wish I knew it was.

I spotlight Longworth because You Must Remember This consistently lands on lists of the best movie podcasts available. What prompted me to write this piece is that I recently read The Best New Podcasts of 2024 (so far) by Nicholas Quah from Vulture / New York magazine. Since 2015, Quah has consistently put You Must Remember This on "Best of" lists and that's his perogative. He apparently loves the show, writing about it at least 9 times over the last 9 years (potentially a lot more as not every plug is on Vulture nor is every piece on Vulture tagged "You Must Remember This"). This latest listicle stuck in my craw, however, as the episode Quah named to his "Best Podcast of 2024 (so far)" is "The Hard Hollywood Life of Kim Novak — 10th anniversary restoration" which was a "restoration" of the first episode of You Must Remember This. So, not exactly new.

The episode was (re-)published April 1, 2024. Quah's post was published on April 1, 2024. This seems very odd to me, unless this is some kind of elaborate April Fools joke.

Again, I'm not picking on Longworth or You Must Remember This. I'm not even picking on Quah. I'm complaining that there are a handful of podcasts that consistently fill these listicles which either cannibalize one another or are written by publicists in the employ of these podcasts. These shows are backed by the handful of companies control "big podcast", hosted by celebrities, or a combination of the two. Now, this may be a really bad look for me to complain about the repetition and redundancy of these lists as I've been trying to crack that secret formula of getting on one of them for 13 years. But, the "best new" label for a podcast that hadn't had an episode since October 2023 and whose first episode shows up on the day the listicle is published was just a bridge too far.

Really, it's probably just sour grapesssssss.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Ack

Picture this...

I'm attending the University of Michigan which is something of a prestigious school. I'd been there for four years and was getting ready to graduate when the announcement of our commencement speaker's name came through.

U of M has had a history of some big named speakers: James William Fulbright, Earl Warren, Edward R Murrow, Robert McNamara...

In the three years prior to my graduation ceremony George H.W. Bush and Hillary Rodham Clinton gave the address. And, years hence, we had some heavy hitters like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama.

So, who did I get? Whose wisdom inspired us that crisp April morning in 1994?

None other than Cathy Guisewite, the eponymous creator of "Cathy," the execrable two-joke comic strip that's plagued newspapers for years.

All I could say was "Ack!"


Thursday, June 11, 2015

I Got Ruped

Spring 2010.

When making my plans to come into NYC for the Cinekink film festival I posted on Facebook that I needed a place to stay. I got two offers - one from an old friend in Brooklyn and another from a writer/film geek in Manhattan: Shade Rupe. My Brooklyn friend could offer me a couch for free while Shade offered up his queen sized bed for $50 a night. I opted for the bed.

Shade was slated to be out of town the days I was in town so he'd have his roommate let me in and give me a spare set of keys. His roommate would take the couch while I took the bed. Sounded like a bargain to me.

As the weeks went on, things started to change as more notes came in via Facebook.

Shade told me that he would be back for the dates I was in town. Jokingly I asked if we'd be sharing a bed and told him that I'd love to be cuddled.

He wrote back and asked me if I'd enjoy a long, luxurious blowjob.

I wrote back and told him that in the parlance I'd be considered a "bear."

He wrote back and told me how much he loves bears.

My last comment was that this trip was looking better and better.

If you listened to my conversations with most of my guy friends you'd think that we were raging queens. We're always throwing shade about sucking dick. Little did I know that Shade wasn't joking around.

I found this out when I got to his Manhattan apartment and he greeted me with a tight hug and warm kiss on the cheek. Eek!

After the hug, Shade got a phone call from a film producer in Italy and, suddenly, we were off to the races. I sat on his couch, cooling off from my long walk from the subway station, and watched him make a series of phone calls and send email and Facebook updates all afternoon. He took great joy in showing me his collection of photos taken with celebs who, strangely, looked a little startled and uncomfortable. As time ticked by I realized that he was far more into setting up a screening of some films in Los Angeles for this Italian producer than into doing anything with me. He started using those photos while he talked to the Italian, "Oh, sure, I know that person... What's your email address?" Soon he was sending those photos to the Italian.

I was also hungry. He kept saying, "Just one more email and we can go to lunch." Four hours later I finally got my coat on and left.

I headed downtown to meet with a fellow writer and attend the Cinekink film festival. After a few hours of films and a day of travel I looked forward to going back to Shade's pad and getting some sleep. I started to leave the Anthology Film Archives only to find Shade waiting for me in the lobby. Oh, shit.

He and a friend were hanging out, waiting for me. We shot the shit for a bit before Shade finally agreed to leave. That began what I have since referred to as "Mr. Toad's Wild Walk." We went from Second Ave and Second St over to Avenue A back over to Fourth Avenue back to Second back to Fourth and up to Fourteenth Street where Shade's friend too the "L" to go home while we took a train up to 42nd Street.

As we went down the stairs to the station I managed to twist my ankle fairly well. When we stopped at 42nd street I didn't realize that we had a mile to go before I could sleep. We walked from 42nd and Park (Grand Central) all the way to 51st and 10th with Shade talking and acting as a manic tour guide the entire time -- pointing out what nearly every building is and what the past five businesses to own it had been. He especially discussed the former movie houses of old, even dipping into the lobbies of numerous buildings to show me entrances and architecture, waxing about the glory days of scuzzy NYC before the Giuliani clean-up.

Limping along; one ankle twisted, both feet blistered, I finally had to yell at Shade saying, "Listen, son, I'm from Detroit. We don't walk. We drive everywhere. Now, get me back to your place so I can get some fucking sleep."

That slowed (but didn't stop) the tour.

I ended up bunking on Shade's couch while he and his roommate shared the queen-sized bed. As soon as the lights went out the noise started -- not the expected New York city noise of sirens and honking horns but the scratch scratch scratch of their pet chinchilla running mad circles in his wall-sized cage. I'm glad that the chinchilla was at least in a cage as it could easily get lost and die in the mess of the apartment.

I don't know why I was so surprised the next morning when I got up to shower only to find that the bathtub was a nightmare of mold and mildew. I felt far more dirty after my shower than before it. That's when I vowed to find a new place. Somewhere without an amorous, manic host, somewhere without a chinchilla somewhere with a bed, and somewhere with a clean shower.

I hopped onto Hotwire.com and scored a four-star hotel down in Soho. It was more than $50 a night but my sanity was worth it.

Visit the official Shade Rupe website

Thursday, January 15, 2015

When You're Fat

I have a problem with the way my teeth align that braces couldn't fix. Years ago, my orthodontist told me that the only thing I could do was to get my jaw broken and re-set. It took me a while... maybe a decade... to gather the courage to finally gird myself enough for a consultation with a doctor who could do this procedure. I made my appointment and went in on my lunch break. I sat waiting for him to come in when I heard behind me, "Michael! What happened?"

He came into my field of vision, a concerned look on his face. I had never seen this guy before and had no idea what he was talking about.

"With what?" I asked.

"How's you get so big?!?"

At this point in my life, I was maybe 50 pounds overweight and, of course, self-conscious about it. Not sure how to answer I paused before questioning, "I like to eat?"

The orthodontist would have told me more about how I needed to change my eating habits except that, after a few minutes, his nurse interrupted us, telling him that he had a phone call from a former student. He excused himself to take the call as twenty more minutes clocked from my lunch hour.

Suffice it to say, I never went back to get the procedure done and my jaw has yet to be broken.


More flaws in my matrix come from the other end of my body. Both of my big toes have gotten ingrown nails over the years. I've gotten these worked on repeatedly over the last two decades. Each time, I've had both of them done at once and have seen different doctors. The last time, in 2013, the doctor I saw only decided to do one of them, even though both hurt. I nursed the other one along for over a year until I couldn't take the pain any more.

Before the podiatrist even looked at my feet he asked me, "When are we going to talk about your weight?"

I wanted to say, "I'd prefer not to." But, at seven o'clock in the morning, this unexpected question took me by surprise.

He started quizzing me about my eating habits and told me that he had a book to recommend to me. He asked if I already had diabetes and/or joint problems and promised me that I would soon unless I took steps to lose weight. After five minutes of interrogation, he finally started working on the toe. After numbing it up, he left the room, returning shortly with a list of several diet books and some additional handwritten recommendations. Surely this wasn't his first time presenting this list to his patients (and surely it wouldn't be his last).

Whether you're a dentist or a podiatrist, apparently you've got the right... or maybe it's a duty... to counsel (and belittle) any fat fuck who comes into your office.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Losing Money I Never Had

In 2005 I was told that I needed to exercise a portion of my ePrize stock options due to some financial deal happening with the new Board of Directors. Being the good employee that I was, I checked to see what would be the optimal situation for my employers. Would it be better to exercise the minimum 25% or should I do more? The minimum was better for them so that's what I did. I sold 25% of my options and promptly forgot all about it until early 2006 when -- after having been fired a few weeks after the stock deal -- I got a call from Robb Lippitt telling me that there had been some kind of mix-up and that I would be required to pay taxes on my options.

I had $20,000 in options and owed ePrize $10,000. Having just been fired, I was in no financial situation to pay ePrize any money. The simple solution seemed that they should send me my $20,000 and I'd pay them out of that.

"Oh, no. That's not the way it works."

Not trusting the incredible Mr. Lippitt at all (after having been betrayed by ePrize), I told him that I needed all of the paperwork and proof of this transaction and amount due. I got this a few weeks later and was told that the money would stay in escrow until the taxes were paid off.

In 2007 I received a statement telling me that roughly $1,000 had been paid on the taxes out of the escrow interest on the base $20,000. The same thing happened in 2009, 2010, 2011. Each year I would get closer and closer to having that $10,000 in taxes paid off.

Things changed in 2012 when I got a statement not from ePrize but from "Crackerjack Holdings LLC" which stated that, instead of my base $20,000 that now I had $50,000 and still owed $8,000 in taxes... at least that's how I read it.

ePrize had been sold off at some point and it seemed that $50,000 was my pay out for the other 75% of my options (along with the original 25%, I assumed). It seemed that my options had depreciated significantly if 75% of them only netted $30,000 as opposed to the $20,000 that 25% of them netted in 2005. I could see why the former employees engaged in a lawsuit against ePrize were indignant.

I sent all of the paperwork to my accountant this year in hopes of getting things worked out. Alas, he was as confused as I was when he tried to sort everything out.

"You owe $8,000 on $50,000 that you haven't even seen yet? Is this some kind of Nigerian Prince scheme?"

I finally got in touch with someone at "Crackerjack Holdings LLC" who would take the five minutes to explain things to me.

No, I didn't owe $8,000. I didn't owe anything to anyone. At the same time, however, I wasn't owed anything. There was no money headed my way at all. No $50,000. No wonder my former co-workers were mad and this makes me even more upset that their lawsuit was dismissed.


What about the $20,000 I originally had in escrow somewhere? That has yet to be found. I talked to the lawyer who helped with the brokering of everything.

In related news, it's no big surprise that the "Crackerjack Holdings LLC" paperwork came from rbequity.com which is owned by Dan Gilbert, the same guy who bought out ePrize and the same guy who was on the board back in 2005 when this whole stock thing went down.

I came up in an era of the "dot bomb" when companies went boom or bust. I heard tales of those who owned Microsoft stock options becoming instant millionaires when the stock had it's IPO. I also heard that many options weren't worth the paper on which they were printed. I thought maybe ePrize's would fall somewhere between the two. For the years I worked at ePrize all I ever heard was how good the company was doing so when I made my peanuts but got options as holiday bonuses, I was okay.

"Some day," I thought, "this will all pay off."

The cold hard truth is that it didn't. The options ended up being both a carrot and a stick. I hope they find my original $20,000 somewhere because I really could use it. I'd like to know that somewhere along the line, my hard work and dedication paid off.

In hindsight, I should have sold 100% of those options back in 2005 so somewhere there'd be $100,000 that I'd owe $50,000 in taxes that couldn't be found instead.



I just heard from the lawyer in charge of the stock deal and found out that the original 25% that I sold, that $20,000 I thought I had coming to me, was devalued over the years and -- poof -- went away in 2012.

That wasn't $1,000 a year being paid in taxes from the escrow... it was the value of the escrow depreciating, allegedly.

After all these years it's rather a shock to find out that I'm not getting anything at all from either the original exercise of my options or the selling of the company. I don't know what would have happened had I paid that mysterious $10,000 in taxes that Robb Lippitt told me that I owed back in 2006. Would I have been paying taxes on something that I would never get?

To say that I'm upset right now doesn't even begin to touch how I'm feeling. Over the last few weeks I've had imagine sums snatched away from me, including one that's been in my head since 2006 as a nice little payday for all the hours I put in at ePrize. Now, it's all gone.

Vested Options 120,000
New Options 0
Total Exercisable Options 120,000
Percentage of Options Exercised 100.00%
Number of Options Exercised 120,000
Percentage of Options Sold 25.00%
Number of Options Sold 30,000
Number of Options Rolled 90,000
Strike Price / Vested Option Exercised 0
Ordinary Income Recognized 64,309
Total Cash due at Closing (Pre W/H) 14,845
Cash Attrib. to Option Units 14,845
Cash Attrib. to Existing Units 0
Stock kept 49,464
Escrow 1,277
W/H Calc'd on Cash Rec from Sale $ 2,420
"Phantom" W/H Calc'd on Stock kept $ 20,739
TOTAL TO BE W/H $ 23,158
Net Pay Calc'd $ (8,313)
Net Pay Actual (DD + 401k) $ 2,227
Amount owed to ePrize$ (10,540)


Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Job Hunt

Let's get it out of the way: I'm not hunting at the moment. I'm writing about earlier this year (2012). It's just taken me a while to get to it.

My mom and my wife went on vacation together in January over to Hawaii. I stayed home, taking a week off to watch the dogs and catch up on bad movies. I was also doing a little work from home. I sat buried under five little dogs, working on some documentation, when the phone rang. As soon as my boss's name came up on the screen I knew that there was no good news in my future.

I should have seen the writing on the wall that business sucked and that firings were in the future but I had been assured time and again that the people doing my job at the moment, "Technical Analysts," were so fully entrenched and desperately necessary that we would never be fired. We sat in the fabled cat bird seat. My immediate supervisor told us this so many times -- without ever being prompted -- that I had been lulled into a false sense of security. Plus, I was single-handedly managing the project I was on. There used to be a Project Manager on the case but, when he left the company (seeing that wall writing before me), I took over in a dual role of TA/PM.

Kind of like Ice Cube, I got fired on my vacation (although, this was a Thursday).



I don't know why but I didn't get thrown into a panic with this sudden loss of a job. My best guess is that I was in a vacation headspace and this just lengthened my vacation... indefinitely. Before the afternoon ended, I had already jumped onto the State of Michigan website, applied for unemployment benefits, and shot my updated resume to a few local agencies.

I spent a few hours every day after that looking at various job sites and contacted the headhunter who helped land me a job in the past. We met for coffee the next day and he already had a few ideas for me. Great!

We touched base here and there and, per his directions, I stopped sending out my resume completely. Really not a big deal since I hadn't started job hunting in full force.


Within a few weeks the headhunter got me a job interview at one of the two companies he had mentioned over coffee. Alas, almost from the first word at the interview I knew that this wasn't the place for me. They were looking for a JAVA programmer and that's not me. Afterward I gave the headhunter a call and the lowdown on what went on, telling him that the next person he sends should be skilled in JAVA.

Not to worry, he said, he would also be talking to another company for me. One where I really wanted to try but that he had pooh-poohed in an earlier conversation. Suddenly, he could line up a lunch with some hiring mucky-muck and he'd get me the details shortly.

A week passed. I would call once every two days to check in. I wanted to keep myself front of mind while not being a pest. I finally got good news. The meeting would be set within a few more days.

Then everything fell apart.

I had a day of running errands. While I was out I got a call from the headhunter.

"Hey," he asked, "Have you sent your resume over to this company?"

"No, why?"

"No worries. Just one of the peons told me that your resume was already in the system."

"It must have been from the last time I was looking for work," I assured him. "I've not sent out my resume since you told me not to."

A few hours later I got another call. Oddly, it ran almost identically.

"No, I promise, I haven't sent my resume to anyone," I assured him again.

And, again, an hour after that.

"Are you sure you didn't send your resume there?"

Now I started to doubt myself. Why was he being so insistent? Had I sent it?

"I don't remember ever sending my resume over there, but I'm out all day today so I can't look. Can I call you again when I get home?"



Hours later I was home and looking through all of my email records. Nothing there. Then I went into LinkedIn.

Sure enough. That Thursday I got fired I had sent in my resume to the company in question. I got right on the phone and gave my headhunter a call to tell him on my mistake.

If you're not familiar with how headhunters work, they have to be the source for a lead, otherwise he (or she) can be blown off as in, "We were going to look at this candidate anyway so screw you and your commission. We're not paying." That I had sent in my resume on my own suddenly nullified his claim on me, meaning that he had been working for nothing to get me the appointment with the mucky muck.

The headhunter was livid to say the least. He told me that I had to write to the mucky muck and her two assistants (who he had basically been calling liars throughout the day [unbeknownst to me] based on my emails) to apologize and tell them that he had been mislead.

Oh, great. This would be a good way to get a job.

So help me, I did exactly what the headhunter asked, throwing myself on my own sword with an apology where I had to basically admit that I was a dumb ass for forgetting that I had sent my resume to the company where I wanted to work. Doesn't that just scream, "Hire this guy!"?

Apology sent (with a BCC to the Headhunter), I waited a day or two for the dust to settle before calling him again. My next call went straight to voicemail. My subsequent texts a few days later went unanswered. I was going through my Headhunter's neighborhood (where we'd met for coffee beforehand) so I asked if he'd like to grab another cup. No response. After a week without phone, text, or email I finally texted again to say, "Are you mad at me or something?"

That started a torrent of responses. Yes, he was mad at me for being a "fucking liar" and besmirching his professional standing. He unloaded on me with a series of texts telling me how disappointed he was with me. Basically, he was firing me as a client.

Suffice it to say, this put my job hunt off the rails for a while.



Despite this mea culpa, I still pursued a job at this place. I sent reached out again only to be told, "You're not technical enough for this job." Meanwhile, the position for which I was applying sounded tailored to me. I called back a few days later and told the human resources liaison, "You need to look at my resume again. I'm very technical."

Surprisingly, she called me back to say that someone else looked at my resume and that he'd give me a phone interview in a few days. That got cancelled only to be rescheduled as an in-person with that guy along with a few members of his team.

Even after all that, I didn't get the job. Though the human resources person told me that she thought the guy who interviewed me was crazy for not hiring me.



I found that there were few-to-no companies doing actual hiring but there were plenty dealing with contract places. It seems that this is the way things are going at least that was my experience. Contracting seems to avoid sticky and/or expensive things like health benefits, vacation time, and loyalty. A contractor can be terminated in a heartbeat. A contractor doesn't earn vacation time via the company but only via the contract company -- if available. A contractor isn't a drain on the company's health care expenses.

I got involved with several contract companies and, as it was, apart from the two interviews I had previously on (see above), I went over a month without any. The, suddenly, I had several interviews all set for a two week period.

One contract company didn't want to send me on an interview unless I agreed that I'd take the job if it was offered. "I don't want to waste my time or their time if you don't intend on taking this job." It seems that this guy had already had had his time wasted by someone else who had interviewed, got an offer, made a counter offer, got it matched, and then turned down the job regardless. Oddly enough, that person was a former co-worker of mine.

I went ahead and agreed, feeling obligated a bit to make up for my coworker's mistake. Plus, I felt that I could do her job with my eyes closed where we worked (and often did) so why not do it and get paid a lot more than I had been making?

And that brings me to the end of this long-winded story. I ended up taking the job when it was offered and have been here ever since. It's not the job I wanted but it's the job I got and I've learned a lot while I've been here, albeit not necessarily about the position for which I was hired.

I also learned a lot about how people are hired (or not) around Detroit.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Projects

Being without a day job sometimes has its advantages. I've had ample opportunity lately to begin researching in earnest some upcoming projects including helping Greydon Clark out on an autobiography and writing a book tentatively titled "Gould and Sutherland in the '70s." This may just become "Gould in the '70s" as I'm having some trouble connecting with Donald Sutherland.

It's kind of funny. Sutherland's publicist has been blocking me, asking why I would want to write about both of these guys "since they were only in one movie together." I had to really restrain myself from being a know-it-all and saying, "Actually, your client was in three films with Mr. Gould; M*A*S*H, Little Murders, and SPYS." I'm going to try to go around this person if I can but things aren't looking so good at the moment. If anyone has a better line to Donald Sutherland, I'd love to try it.

In the meantime, I'm having a heck of a lot of fun watching and re-watching Elliott Gould's output from the '70s and researching these films. I've even been lucky enough to track down some of his appearances on TV in things like an Olivia Newton-John special. Whoo-boy! I've re-pitched Gould on working with me on this project (if it were a non-Gould/Sutherland book) and await his response. Regardless, I'm going to go ahead with the project and just hope that he'll see fit to be a part of it. He has had a fascinating career and his work in the '70s was something of a microcosm of what that decade represents to me.

Of course, work on the podcast still continues. I've been very fortunate to speak to some fascinating folks and have had a blast recording these with a wide range of co-hosts. I can't believe it's been almost a year since that started. It's been both a highly-frustrating and rewarding process.

Thanks to everyone who's been so supportive while I've been off. I appreciate all the books that people have been buying and the links folks have been passing my way.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Downsized!

I don't like saying that I was "fired." That implies that I did something wrong. Maybe I did but it wasn't just my head on the block last Thursday. It was a number of people. How many? I'm not quite sure yet since I wasn't there.

I don't like saying that I was "laid off" as that implies that I'll be called back. There's no other word for it that "downsized," I suppose.

You see, it was my first day of vacation. Well, "staycation," really. Andrea and my Mom headed off to Hawaii that morning while I stayed at home with our three dogs and my Mom's two. I had plans of hanging out, watching movies, doing some writing, and taking the occasional phone call from work to keep my project there on track. I had brought home my work laptop in anticipation of some documentation updates.

When the phone rang and my boss's name came up I knew something bad was about to happen. Ever since I came back to work after my layoff in 2010, I'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thought that I was going to be able to make it through the current round of cuts, especially as my supervisor kept saying, "Oh, there's nothing to worry about. We've proven just how valuable we are and have so much work coming down that we're safe."

Despite these assurances, I still put two and two together when the phone rang. I'm not sure just how many other people got let go that day but maybe I'll find out Tuesday when I bring my laptop back to work and sign my separation paperwork.

Oddly, things haven't sunk in yet. Maybe because I was in vacation mode. Maybe when next Monday, the day I was supposed to return, rolls around it'll hit me.

I'm trying to take it all in stride and look at the positive things like being able to dedicated more time to a few book projects, my podcast, and some other things. And then the job hunting begins...

Monday, December 26, 2011

Year in Review

2011 ended up being a busy year.

Though I took a few months off between touring Impossibly Funky around after 2010, I kept trying to work that publicity angle throughout the early part of 2011. I completed my second book tour in late May/early June and, in effect, I completed book touring altogether unless I suddenly find myself with some kind of lucrative publishing deal some day. I met a lot of great people but I sure didn't sell enough books to make the trip worthwhile.

A lot of the folks I met on my travels with Impossibly Funky in 2010 and 2011 ended up writing for me in the "Revenge of Print" issue of Cashiers du Cinemart. This came out a month early in August though I have yet to get all of the old school photocopied and stapled issues out to my distributor (and, thus, out to stores). In the meantime, CdC 16 is available via a print-on-demand service.

In March I co-founded a podcast, The Projection Booth. Since then there has been a new episode (or two) available each week. Nearly all of them feature interviews with the filmmakers behind the movies covered. It's been great connecting and/or re-connecting with folks and sharing my love of some terrific films.

Doing all of the research for the show has really helped bolster my confidence and led to benefits for other work that I've done in 2011 including the piece I wrote for the new Paracinema magazine all about horror parodies of the '80s and the chapter I wrote on Airplane II: The Sequel for an upcoming book from BearManor Media.

I had a blast hanging out with Greydon Clark in April at Horror Hound and in September. I'm still hoping to work with him on his autobiography (fingers crossed). I also had a lot of fun with the fine folks at the Blue Water Film Festival. BWFF marked the fist time that Chris Gore and I ever officially met (though we were both in The People Vs. George Lucas).

Along with Horror Hound and Blue Water, I also attended the CIMMFest in Chicago in April where I got to see the premiere of Freaks in Love, the Alice Donut documentary.

If you know me, you know how much I love to travel. 2011 marked the first year I'd been to Europe since 1991, and my first time on the Iberian peninsula. Andrea and I had a blast in Barcelona. I miss it just about every day.

Please feel free to go through the archives of this blog for more fun or check out the links below. Stay tuned in 2012 for more good stuff.

Links:

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Vegas

I knew that things were going to be good when we rounded the corner to our hotel (The Riviera) and saw that the Village People were playing there. That kind of made up for the Elvis show at the Aria being dark for the week.

Andrea and I went to Las Vegas from November 9-13 ostensibly to get re-re-marries on 11/11/2011. Fittingly, this is our 11th anniversary year and we had originally planned on getting married on 11/11/2001 until the date was changed on us. Long story. Let's just say that family politics were involved and we still shake our fists and gnash our teeth in anger over this one. Regardless, we were there to set the record straight and take advantage of the date. As it turned out, a lot of other couples were in Vegas with similar plans.

Our wedding was one of three that were performed within the twenty minutes we were at A Hollywood Chapel on Las Vegas Blvd. The place had it down to a science, including adding in all of the extra perks to charge people more money. "With the package you get a roll of film. If you'd like, we can give you digital pictures for $20 more..." "No, that's fine, we'll take the film." "With the package, you get the ceremony on VHS. For $30 more, we'll give you a DVD." "That's fine, we'll take the VHS."

There's no VCR in the building and the photographer was obviously using a digital camera. When we were getting ready to leave the same saleswoman told us that the officiant/minister was so nice that he bought us the upgrade. I think we were supposed to then tip him for his generosity but I think he would have been fairly surprised to hear that he'd paid $50 out of his own pocket for us. We laughed about this all day.

Weddings were in the air; one couple even got married on stage at the Village People concert that night as part of the encore. Alas, they were a hetero couple. I had hoped that the Village People might be a little more progressive than that. Maybe the boys were being on good behavior since Felipe's father was in the audience but they were posturing as very straight all evening.

I had figured that the guys going under the name "The Village People" these days would be six twentysomething dudes who might have seen Can't Stop the Music a couple times and knew the lyrics to "Macho Man" as a qualification. Surprisingly, apart from The Leather Man, all of the guys in the Village People had been in the band since 1980 or earlier.

Apart from a couple of teenagers, I think I was the youngest person there. The show was good though they didn't do as many of their original songs as I'd have liked. I had really hoped for more of a Live and Sleazy playlist with some Can't Stop the Music tunes in there too. They did some of their hits and a couple covers but I could have done for a few more hours of Village People music.

Most of our time was spent reading, walking, eating and gambling; in that order. On Thursday and Saturday I was in my glory as we got to hang out with Greydon Clark and Marly a bit.

The other high point of our weekend came just as we were leaving. We took a taxi from the hotel to the airport. The driver did the usual patter, asking us where we were from, asking about the weather and the politics happening in Michigan, and giving us a dismal forecast of the future. He seemed very down on the state of things as he and Andrea talked state funding. I almost said, "It's too early to talk politics," to try and shut him up but I'm so glad I didn't. As we went along we went past the Occupy Las Vegas camp the driver started telling us that the whole Occupy movement is actually a government-created plot to keep people busy, all headed up by a good friend of President Obama.

And then he went off the deep end.

"I'm going to tell you something that's going to blow your mind," he told us. I wished that I had started recording him because what he laid on us was an incredibly dense web of conspiracy theory nuttiness that just couldn't be topped. He told us that Barak Obama's real name was Barry Soetoro and that he had been to Mars as part of the colonization of our sister planet (via Tesla-based teleportation technology, 'natch). He spun this wild tale of Martians, the Rothchilds, and Queen Elizabeth II. When he was at a breaking point, with a straight face, I told him, "That's funny because I had heard something very similar but about Gerald Ford..." I went on to tell him a little bit of the plot outline of Mondo Ford. I hope like hell that he looked it up when he got home and believed every word of this Ricardo Fratelli classic:

The scariest thing about what this guy was spewing is that I just googled "Obama Mars Barry" and came up with two million hits.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Blue Water Weekend

Port Huron, a big little town at the tip of Michigan's thumb, played host to the third annual Blue Water Film Festival from October 6-8, 2011. One couldn't have asked for a better weekend. The sun shone, the breeze blew, and the clouds stayed away.

Things kicked on on Thursday night with a laugh. Comedian Dave Coulier did some stand-up at the McMorran Place Sports & Entertainment Center, the main location of the festival activities. I've never been a big Full House fan so some of the mullet jokes went over my head but I still had a good time.

The audience at the McMorran Place on opening night

Afterward, I headed over to The Vintage Tavern with festival organizers Jeremy Stemen and Kelly Kennedy along with Detroit Windsor International Film Festival bigwig Suzanne Janik. There I finally met Chris Gore. Yes, after twenty-some years, Gore and I were finally in the same room at the same time. Remarkably, the earth stayed in its orbit and sunspots failed to obliterate the moon. As evidenced by the introduction Gore penned for Impossibly Funky: A Cashiers du Cinemart Collection, we've managed to bury the hatchet over the years -- and not between our shoulder blades.

Festival Organizers Jeremy Stemen and Kelly Kennedy

At one point during the night Jeremy asked me if I'd like to be on the radio for an interview the next morning. "Sure!" I said, before he told me that he'd pick me up at 7AM. I quickly excused myself but still didn't find myself in bed until 2AM. Within moments of walking into the station I was sporting headphones and pontificating in front of the mic.

That became par for the course that day as I relied heavily on my ability to chat at the drop of a hat later on at the "Icons & Idols" panel discussion at The Alley Room that afternoon and later at The Vintage where I interviewed several of the filmmakers from and supporters of the Blue Water Film Festival. Fortunately, I had gotten warmed up earlier in the day with Sid Haig. In town for the big premiere of Douglas Schultz's Mimesis, Haig sat down with me for about an hour-long interview. Both the review of Mimesis and interview transcription are to come.

Mimesis cast members Gavin Grazer, Allen Maldonado, and Sid Haig at The Alley Room

That Friday evening was the big Mimesis screening. Some members of the cast showed up at McMorran in a limo to walk down the red carpet. My friend Gina--a huge Sid Haig fan--joined me and was stunned to get her picture taken with Haig before the show started. She even wore her Captain Spaulding t-shirt.

Mimesis speaks to Romero's Night of the Living Dead in some very clever ways. It's truly homage (as opposed to a rip off) and it was a blast seeing the film with such a large, enthusiastic audience. The Blue Water Film Festival went all out for the screening, too, with dozens of people dressed up as zombies who shambled around the theater lobby before and after the show.

Cute Zombie Couple at McMorran Place

Also, BWFF had a room next to the theater where, after the show, folks could meet the cast and get their Mimesis posters signed. This garnered a tremendous response with the last of the zombies being swept away after 1AM. Jeremy, Kelly and I headed back to The Alley Room for one last drink before turning in.

Saturday morning I went downstairs at the Thomas Edison Inn for a little breakfast where I was soon joined by Chris Gore and his girlfriend, Mary Forrest. Despite all of the fun things that I did at the BWFF, this was definitely one of the highlights of the weekend. We geeked out for hours, talking about movies, books, television, the web, and more. Gore shared some of the projects he's been cooking up including FetishVIL, a web series that sounds right up my alley. It's currently in the financing stages over at IndieGoGo.com/FetishVIL. I threw in a couple bucks as I'd love to see this come to fruition.

The majority of the films at the BWFF played on Saturday in three blocks at the McMorran Place. I had seen everything that played beforehand with the exception of one movie, Clean Break. I made sure to catch this one and, of course, found that it was right up my alley. The story of a struggling writer who also happens to be a skeleton, Ryan Lieske's Clean Break reminded me of the great, goofy stuff I used to enjoy every fall at Baltimore's MicroCineFest.

After the screenings it was time to give away some awards. I was glad that Kelly Kennedy went after me to present The Golden Mitten award to actor/director Timothy Busfield. She was wonderfully eloquent compared to my mush-mouthed stammering as I got up behind the lectern to present Chris Gore with the BWFF Golden Thumb award for his contributions to film. Here's the speech I tried to give before he came up to accept his award:

First off, I want to thank the Blue Water Film Festival for the honor of presenting this award. I've had a wonderful time this weekend and feel that I should be presenting the festival organizers and volunteers with an award for the great job they've done in putting together such a fine, fun festival.

But, I'm here to present an award to an esteemed peer -- a fellow film fan and movie nerd, Chris Gore.

It's funny but I think that I've known Chris for about twenty years but only finally met him this weekend. I was a fan of his invaluable movie magazine, Film Threat, since I was but a wee little geek, picking up copies at Thomas Video or Tower Records.

I'd pepper Film Threat with letter and, eventually, Chris and I began communicating via this new method: email. I can't say that Chris and I always saw eye to eye but we definitely were passionate about film in our own way.

Chris has given a lot to the movie community, sometimes to their chagrin. He's helped turn a lot of people on to films and filmmakers that flew under the radar in the pre-internet age. He provided feedback both directly through reviews and via parody. Chris's disarming and oft-alarming humor is legendary. He's also provided great insight to his fellow filmmakers and film fans with his many books including the Film Festival Survival Guide which, I hope, sits dog-eared on all of your shelves.

Films, books, television, the web -- Chris is vying for the title of King of All Media. Well, Chris, I can't give that to you, tonight, but I can give you the finger, er, oh, sorry, thumb. Thumb.

Yes, for all of Chris's achievements, it's my honor to award him with the first Golden Thumb award. Let's hear it for Chris!

Chris Gore accepting The Golden Thumb award

Me and Chris back stage at the McMorran Place

When the dust settled, here are all the filmmakers who received awards at this year's Blue Water Film Festival:

Best Actor
Mike Kopera from "My Friend Peter"

Best Actress
Lauren Mae Shafer from "Certain Essential Elements"

Best Screenplay
Mike Kopera from "My Friend Peter"

Best Cinematography
Benjamin Dell from "Senses & Nonsense"

Best Soundtrack
Daniel Galeski Jr. from "Protangeline"

Best Director
Jeremy Olstyn from "Strong From Detroit"

The Film Selection Committee Viewer's Choice
My Friend Peter

Silver Award
World of Art Submitted by Mike Allore

Gold Award
Bullies on Vacation Submitted by Mike Zago

The Platinum Award
The Dancer Submitted by Seth Stark

The next morning I met up with Jeremy, Chris, and Mary for a farewell breakfast. I was pleasantly surprised to find Sid Haig at our table as well. Again, we all sat and chatted for a few hours before rides to the airport started to arrive.

Port Huron is just a little over an hour away from my house and it was a beautiful drive down I-94 taking in all the colors of fall as I went.

Sid Haig, Chris Gore, Mary Forrest, Me

Thursday, September 29, 2011

B-Movie Weekend

My review of the B-Movie Celebration in 2010 was a rather whitewashed piece. I had fun while I was there, yes, but often in spite of the event itself. With expectations lowered appropriately, I kind of dreaded going back down to Franklin, Indiana in 2011 for another round of abuse.

The festival isn't all that bad. It's just that there's a lot of untapped potential there that I wanted to see come to fruition. If Cashiers du Cinemart writer Rich Osmond hadn't have been there, I would have skipped this year's event especially after so many of the announced guests and films ended up off the docket.

One of the biggest problems I have with the fest is the way that titles are trotted out and never happen. On the B-Movie Celebration Facebook group, there were three groups of films announced:

  • Out of the 89 35mm films from March 30, zero are on the final list.
  • Out of the 50 films from July 19, only 23 made the final cut (with two additional films not on any of the aforementioned lists).
  • Out of the 25 scheduled films, only eight were shown in 35mm.

Seeing movies on film is a big deal to me. As it was, the projection in the main theater--the ArtCraft--wasn't too bad, even the digital stuff.

Over Friday and Saturday we saw seven films. The first night we caught the new Jim Wynorski film, Camel Spiders, shot partially in Franklin, IN. The main creatures don't look like camels nor do they seem like they're spiders (it's called out at least twice in the film that they only have six legs). That aside, the movie would feel right at home on the SyFy channel with the cheesy special effects. It was good to see C. Thomas Howell in the film as the local sheriff, though I wish he'd had a little more to work with.

The second feature on Friday, Fred Olen Ray's Dino Wolf, proved to be most enjoyable. Maxwell Caulfield as the sheriff in this one was a real treat and really helped set the movie apart.

We started the next day with Varan: The Unbelievable, a Japanese film (Daikaijû Baran) that had been re-cut and padded out with American footage. The film really defies the viewer to pay attention to it. And, being shown at 10AM, several folks in the audience nodded off (including yours truly).

At noon we headed over to the (not so) Secret Theater. I'm not sure what purpose the building serves usually but two of its rooms had been turned into screening areas. We only went into the first one where it looked like paper had been tacked up onto the wall for a screen. The movie we caught, Tony Randel's Ticks, was terrific despite being marred by technical difficulties. It was shown in the wrong aspect ratio (making a lot of the female actresses' behinds look really big) and with the center sound channel completely missing. This rendered the music and sound effects perfectly audible with the dialogue completely muffled.

Despite this, I still enjoyed the film but we swore off going back to the Secret Theater for the rest of our time.

We headed back to the ArtCraft for the 1966 Batman movie. I'd never seen it before I it was quite a treat. I don't remember laughing so much at a movie in a long time.

I also did a lot of laughing at Roy Ward Baker's Legend of Seven Golden Vampires which was unintentionally hilarious, especially as some of the same sequences of film were used repeatedly; the movie seeming to start three times before finally moving forward.

Up next at the ArtCraft were the Golden Cob Awards. Knowing that I hadn't won anything, Rich and I adjourned to dinner for a while.

We came back for the festival's main attraction, a screening of Killer Klowns from Outer Space on 35mm with the Chiodo brothers as guests and a post-screening Q&A done by Joe Bob Briggs. I'd never seen KKFOS before so this was the ideal way to do it.

With the Secret Theater out and the fare at the ArtCraft not appealing we headed back to the hotel to talk about truck driving music.

When all was said and done, B-Movie Celebration was fine. Could have been better but it wasn't too bad. I'll probably be skipping out on BMC from now on, looking for an event that caters more to cinephiles.


They have tournaments for that?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Indie-Film Journalist Mike White Becomes the Face and Emcee of The Blue Water Film Festival

White will interview celebrities and filmmakers, fans can tune in on Facebook.

PORT HURON, Mich., September 13, 2011 - Acclaimed Michigan movie critic and journalist Mike White will serve as talent interviewer at the Blue Water Film Festival. October 6 " 8, 2011 the festival will include a stand-up comedy performance by television star Dave Coulier, "Mimesis" movie premiere and the screening of 17 independent films at McMorran in downtown Port Huron. Mike White will interview attending celebrities, filmmakers, actors and dignitaries. Video portions of the interviews will appear on the Blue Water Film Festival's website and Facebook page.

White is noted as a frequent contributor to publications such as "CinemaScope," "Paracinema," Detroit"s "Metro Times" and Detour-Mag.com White was featured in the documentaries "David Goodis: To a Pulp" and "The People Vs. George Lucas." He authored "Impossibly Funky: A Cashiers du Cinemart Collection" and weekly co-hosts "The Projection Booth" podcast.

"We wanted someone with Mike"s edgy approach and independent film industry credentials," said Jeremy Stemen, executive director of the Blue Water Film Festival. "Sharing his insight and interviews with BWFF movie-goers and fans adds an extra dimension to the great access our festival provides."
Tickets to all Blue Water Film Festival events may be purchased at www.bluewaterfilmfestival.com.

The annual Blue Water Film Festival strives to bring movies, movie stars and movie makers to Port Huron. The movies shown at the festival are diverse and enjoyable to people of all ages. For one week a year our community has the opportunity to see the stars of tomorrow in Port Huron today.

# # #

Media contact/BWFF spokesperson: Jeremy Stemen, BWFF Executive Director

(734) 658-6490 or Jeremy@BlueWaterFilmFestival.com