Friday, October 12, 2012

Goodbye, Farewell, & Amen

I don't know why we did it but we didn't watch any of the final season of "House, M.D." when it was on. Instead, we DVRed every episode and kept them in storage... until this week when we went on a bender.

As I watched the build up to the final episode, I kept thinking of another final episode of a beloved series that infuriated me. No, I'm not talking about "Lost", "The Sopranos" or even "The Prisoner." I'm talking about "Seinfeld".

The last episode of "Seinfeld" has stuck in my craw since it aired on May 14, 1998. I didn't like the use of a trial and the sentencing of George, Elaine, Jerry and Kramer. Sure, they were kind of jerks and maybe they deserved that as characters but I think that the fans of the show deserved something better.

My idea for the finale, and it may not be very original, is that the show should have ended more in line with other episodes. Over the years, "Seinfeld" had parodies of everything from Star Trek II to The Godfather. Why not weave parodies of other famous finales into the plot of that last episode?

I'm not a good writer of fan fiction but what I've had kicking around in my head for a while goes something like this...

Jerry manages to get a gig outside of town but stuff just keeps delaying him from leaving. The whole episode has Jerry getting further and further delayed. I can imagine it playing a lot like After Hours with Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer going around New York while Jerry tries to get to the airport. If we wanted to have characters returning (like they did in "The Finale"), they could. And, if they wanted to pay back Jerry and company by delaying him, this would be the time.

At some point, George and Elaine get separated from Kramer and Jerry (perhaps in an homage to The Warriors). George and Elaine head home. Jerry manages to line up a helicopter ride to his gig that will leave shortly. Kramer manages to get a motorcycle and gives him a ride to Central Park and the waiting helicopter. As Jerry flies off to his gig, he looks down and sees Kramer standing there with "Goodbye" written out in rocks ("M*A*S*H").

We go from that to George Costanza waking up in his apartment and hearing the water running. He goes to the bathroom to find the shower running. Who's in there? Why, Susan, of course. Alive and well ("Dallas").

We go from that to Elaine also waking up as well... next to Suzanne Pleshette ("Newhart").

And, finally, we pull out from New York City... pulling out and out until we realize that all of New York was inside of a snow globe ("St. Elsewhere"). A large hand picks it up and shakes it, laughing maniacally. It's Newman.

The end. And, to me, a much better end.


Greg Woods said...

I like that! Agreed- the series finale to "Seinfeld" as it stands was a big "up yours" to the fans, really. On another note, I had always wished that the in the series finale of "Frasier", Maris would walk in the door.

Ralph Dratman said...

I do like your ending better.

The jail situation illustrated pretty clearly that Seinfeld himself looked at the whole series as a one-off freak show.

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