I don't have anything against Karina Longworth or her podcast, You Must Remember This. I've listened to a few dozen hours of the show and apart from Longworth's delivery and over-ennunciation, I think it's a very well-researched and produced show. Am I jealous that Longworth has a staff to do the production and some of the research? Not really. Do I think she got anywhere due to her husband, Rian Johnson? Absolutely not. She's doing something right and I just wish I knew it was.
I spotlight Longworth because You Must Remember This consistently lands on lists of the best movie podcasts available. What prompted me to write this piece is that I recently read The Best New Podcasts of 2024 (so far) by Nicholas Quah from Vulture / New York magazine. Since 2015, Quah has consistently put You Must Remember This on "Best of" lists and that's his perogative. He apparently loves the show, writing about it at least 9 times over the last 9 years (potentially a lot more as not every plug is on Vulture nor is every piece on Vulture tagged "You Must Remember This"). This latest listicle stuck in my craw, however, as the episode Quah named to his "Best Podcast of 2024 (so far)" is "The Hard Hollywood Life of Kim Novak — 10th anniversary restoration" which was a "restoration" of the first episode of You Must Remember This. So, not exactly new.
The episode was (re-)published April 1, 2024. Quah's post was published on April 1, 2024. This seems very odd to me, unless this is some kind of elaborate April Fools joke.
Again, I'm not picking on Longworth or You Must Remember This. I'm not even picking on Quah. I'm complaining that there are a handful of podcasts that consistently fill these listicles which either cannibalize one another or are written by publicists in the employ of these podcasts. These shows are backed by the handful of companies control "big podcast", hosted by celebrities, or a combination of the two. Now, this may be a really bad look for me to complain about the repetition and redundancy of these lists as I've been trying to crack that secret formula of getting on one of them for 13 years. But, the "best new" label for a podcast that hadn't had an episode since October 2023 and whose first episode shows up on the day the listicle is published was just a bridge too far.
I'm attending the University of Michigan which is something of a prestigious school. I'd been there for four years and was getting ready to graduate when the announcement of our commencement speaker's name came through.
U of M has had a history of some big named speakers: James William Fulbright, Earl Warren, Edward R Murrow, Robert McNamara...
In the three years prior to my graduation ceremony George H.W. Bush and Hillary Rodham Clinton gave the address. And, years hence, we had some heavy hitters like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama.
So, who did I get? Whose wisdom inspired us that crisp April morning in 1994?
None other than Cathy Guisewite, the eponymous creator of "Cathy," the execrable two-joke comic strip that's plagued newspapers for years.
When making my plans to come into NYC for the Cinekink film festival I posted on Facebook that I needed a place to stay. I got two offers - one from an old friend in Brooklyn and another from a writer/film geek in Manhattan: Shade Rupe. My Brooklyn friend could offer me a couch for free while Shade offered up his queen sized bed for $50 a night. I opted for the bed.
Shade was slated to be out of town the days I was in town so he'd have his roommate let me in and give me a spare set of keys. His roommate would take the couch while I took the bed. Sounded like a bargain to me.
As the weeks went on, things started to change as more notes came in via Facebook.
Shade told me that he would be back for the dates I was in town. Jokingly I asked if we'd be sharing a bed and told him that I'd love to be cuddled.
He wrote back and asked me if I'd enjoy a long, luxurious blowjob.
I wrote back and told him that in the parlance I'd be considered a "bear."
He wrote back and told me how much he loves bears.
My last comment was that this trip was looking better and better.
If you listened to my conversations with most of my guy friends you'd think that we were raging queens. We're always throwing shade about sucking dick. Little did I know that Shade wasn't joking around.
I found this out when I got to his Manhattan apartment and he greeted me with a tight hug and warm kiss on the cheek. Eek!
After the hug, Shade got a phone call from a film producer in Italy and, suddenly, we were off to the races. I sat on his couch, cooling off from my long walk from the subway station, and watched him make a series of phone calls and send email and Facebook updates all afternoon. He took great joy in showing me his collection of photos taken with celebs who, strangely, looked a little startled and uncomfortable. As time ticked by I realized that he was far more into setting up a screening of some films in Los Angeles for this Italian producer than into doing anything with me. He started using those photos while he talked to the Italian, "Oh, sure, I know that person... What's your email address?" Soon he was sending those photos to the Italian.
I was also hungry. He kept saying, "Just one more email and we can go to lunch." Four hours later I finally got my coat on and left.
I headed downtown to meet with a fellow writer and attend the Cinekink film festival. After a few hours of films and a day of travel I looked forward to going back to Shade's pad and getting some sleep. I started to leave the Anthology Film Archives only to find Shade waiting for me in the lobby. Oh, shit.
He and a friend were hanging out, waiting for me. We shot the shit for a bit before Shade finally agreed to leave. That began what I have since referred to as "Mr. Toad's Wild Walk." We went from Second Ave and Second St over to Avenue A back over to Fourth Avenue back to Second back to Fourth and up to Fourteenth Street where Shade's friend too the "L" to go home while we took a train up to 42nd Street.
As we went down the stairs to the station I managed to twist my ankle fairly well. When we stopped at 42nd street I didn't realize that we had a mile to go before I could sleep. We walked from 42nd and Park (Grand Central) all the way to 51st and 10th with Shade talking and acting as a manic tour guide the entire time -- pointing out what nearly every building is and what the past five businesses to own it had been. He especially discussed the former movie houses of old, even dipping into the lobbies of numerous buildings to show me entrances and architecture, waxing about the glory days of scuzzy NYC before the Giuliani clean-up.
Limping along; one ankle twisted, both feet blistered, I finally had to yell at Shade saying, "Listen, son, I'm from Detroit. We don't walk. We drive everywhere. Now, get me back to your place so I can get some fucking sleep."
That slowed (but didn't stop) the tour.
I ended up bunking on Shade's couch while he and his roommate shared the queen-sized bed. As soon as the lights went out the noise started -- not the expected New York city noise of sirens and honking horns but the scratch scratch scratch of their pet chinchilla running mad circles in his wall-sized cage. I'm glad that the chinchilla was at least in a cage as it could easily get lost and die in the mess of the apartment.
I don't know why I was so surprised the next morning when I got up to shower only to find that the bathtub was a nightmare of mold and mildew. I felt far more dirty after my shower than before it. That's when I vowed to find a new place. Somewhere without an amorous, manic host, somewhere without a chinchilla somewhere with a bed, and somewhere with a clean shower.
I hopped onto Hotwire.com and scored a four-star hotel down in Soho. It was more than $50 a night but my sanity was worth it.
I have a problem with the way my teeth align that braces couldn't fix. Years ago, my orthodontist told me that the only thing I could do was to get my jaw broken and re-set. It took me a while... maybe a decade... to gather the courage to finally gird myself enough for a consultation with a doctor who could do this procedure. I made my appointment and went in on my lunch break. I sat waiting for him to come in when I heard behind me, "Michael! What happened?"
He came into my field of vision, a concerned look on his face. I had never seen this guy before and had no idea what he was talking about.
"With what?" I asked.
"How's you get so big?!?"
At this point in my life, I was maybe 50 pounds overweight and, of course, self-conscious about it. Not sure how to answer I paused before questioning, "I like to eat?"
The orthodontist would have told me more about how I needed to change my eating habits except that, after a few minutes, his nurse interrupted us, telling him that he had a phone call from a former student. He excused himself to take the call as twenty more minutes clocked from my lunch hour.
Suffice it to say, I never went back to get the procedure done and my jaw has yet to be broken.
More flaws in my matrix come from the other end of my body. Both of my big toes have gotten ingrown nails over the years. I've gotten these worked on repeatedly over the last two decades. Each time, I've had both of them done at once and have seen different doctors. The last time, in 2013, the doctor I saw only decided to do one of them, even though both hurt. I nursed the other one along for over a year until I couldn't take the pain any more.
Before the podiatrist even looked at my feet he asked me, "When are we going to talk about your weight?"
I wanted to say, "I'd prefer not to." But, at seven o'clock in the morning, this unexpected question took me by surprise.
He started quizzing me about my eating habits and told me that he had a book to recommend to me. He asked if I already had diabetes and/or joint problems and promised me that I would soon unless I took steps to lose weight. After five minutes of interrogation, he finally started working on the toe. After numbing it up, he left the room, returning shortly with a list of several diet books and some additional handwritten recommendations. Surely this wasn't his first time presenting this list to his patients (and surely it wouldn't be his last).
Whether you're a dentist or a podiatrist, apparently you've got the right... or maybe it's a duty... to counsel (and belittle) any fat fuck who comes into your office.
In 2005 I was told that I needed to exercise a portion of my ePrize stock options due to some financial deal happening with the new Board of Directors. Being the good employee that I was, I checked to see what would be the optimal situation for my employers. Would it be better to exercise the minimum 25% or should I do more? The minimum was better for them so that's what I did. I sold 25% of my options and promptly forgot all about it until early 2006 when -- after having been fired a few weeks after the stock deal -- I got a call from Robb Lippitt telling me that there had been some kind of mix-up and that I would be required to pay taxes on my options.
I had $20,000 in options and owed ePrize $10,000. Having just been fired, I was in no financial situation to pay ePrize any money. The simple solution seemed that they should send me my $20,000 and I'd pay them out of that.
"Oh, no. That's not the way it works."
Not trusting the incredible Mr. Lippitt at all (after having been betrayed by ePrize), I told him that I needed all of the paperwork and proof of this transaction and amount due. I got this a few weeks later and was told that the money would stay in escrow until the taxes were paid off.
In 2007 I received a statement telling me that roughly $1,000 had been paid on the taxes out of the escrow interest on the base $20,000. The same thing happened in 2009, 2010, 2011. Each year I would get closer and closer to having that $10,000 in taxes paid off.
Things changed in 2012 when I got a statement not from ePrize but from "Crackerjack Holdings LLC" which stated that, instead of my base $20,000 that now I had $50,000 and still owed $8,000 in taxes... at least that's how I read it.
ePrize had been sold off at some point and it seemed that $50,000 was my pay out for the other 75% of my options (along with the original 25%, I assumed). It seemed that my options had depreciated significantly if 75% of them only netted $30,000 as opposed to the $20,000 that 25% of them netted in 2005. I could see why the former employees engaged in a lawsuit against ePrize were indignant.
I sent all of the paperwork to my accountant this year in hopes of getting things worked out. Alas, he was as confused as I was when he tried to sort everything out.
"You owe $8,000 on $50,000 that you haven't even seen yet? Is this some kind of Nigerian Prince scheme?"
I finally got in touch with someone at "Crackerjack Holdings LLC" who would take the five minutes to explain things to me.
No, I didn't owe $8,000. I didn't owe anything to anyone. At the same time, however, I wasn't owed anything. There was no money headed my way at all. No $50,000. No wonder my former co-workers were mad and this makes me even more upset that their lawsuit was dismissed.
What about the $20,000 I originally had in escrow somewhere? That has yet to be found. I talked to the lawyer who helped with the brokering of everything.
In related news, it's no big surprise that the "Crackerjack Holdings LLC" paperwork came from rbequity.com which is owned by Dan Gilbert, the same guy who bought out ePrize and the same guy who was on the board back in 2005 when this whole stock thing went down.
I came up in an era of the "dot bomb" when companies went boom or bust. I heard tales of those who owned Microsoft stock options becoming instant millionaires when the stock had it's IPO. I also heard that many options weren't worth the paper on which they were printed. I thought maybe ePrize's would fall somewhere between the two. For the years I worked at ePrize all I ever heard was how good the company was doing so when I made my peanuts but got options as holiday bonuses, I was okay.
"Some day," I thought, "this will all pay off."
The cold hard truth is that it didn't. The options ended up being both a carrot and a stick. I hope they find my original $20,000 somewhere because I really could use it. I'd like to know that somewhere along the line, my hard work and dedication paid off.
In hindsight, I should have sold 100% of those options back in 2005 so somewhere there'd be $100,000 that I'd owe $50,000 in taxes that couldn't be found instead.
I just heard from the lawyer in charge of the stock deal and found out that the original 25% that I sold, that $20,000 I thought I had coming to me, was devalued over the years and -- poof -- went away in 2012.
That wasn't $1,000 a year being paid in taxes from the escrow... it was the value of the escrow depreciating, allegedly.
After all these years it's rather a shock to find out that I'm not getting anything at all from either the original exercise of my options or the selling of the company. I don't know what would have happened had I paid that mysterious $10,000 in taxes that Robb Lippitt told me that I owed back in 2006. Would I have been paying taxes on something that I would never get?
To say that I'm upset right now doesn't even begin to touch how I'm feeling. Over the last few weeks I've had imagine sums snatched away from me, including one that's been in my head since 2006 as a nice little payday for all the hours I put in at ePrize. Now, it's all gone.
Let's get it out of the way: I'm not hunting at the moment. I'm writing about earlier this year (2012). It's just taken me a while to get to it.
My mom and my wife went on vacation together in January over to Hawaii. I stayed home, taking a week off to watch the dogs and catch up on bad movies. I was also doing a little work from home. I sat buried under five little dogs, working on some documentation, when the phone rang. As soon as my boss's name came up on the screen I knew that there was no good news in my future.
I should have seen the writing on the wall that business sucked and that firings were in the future but I had been assured time and again that the people doing my job at the moment, "Technical Analysts," were so fully entrenched and desperately necessary that we would never be fired. We sat in the fabled cat bird seat. My immediate supervisor told us this so many times -- without ever being prompted -- that I had been lulled into a false sense of security. Plus, I was single-handedly managing the project I was on. There used to be a Project Manager on the case but, when he left the company (seeing that wall writing before me), I took over in a dual role of TA/PM.
Kind of like Ice Cube, I got fired on my vacation (although, this was a Thursday).
I don't know why but I didn't get thrown into a panic with this sudden loss of a job. My best guess is that I was in a vacation headspace and this just lengthened my vacation... indefinitely. Before the afternoon ended, I had already jumped onto the State of Michigan website, applied for unemployment benefits, and shot my updated resume to a few local agencies.
I spent a few hours every day after that looking at various job sites and contacted the headhunter who helped land me a job in the past. We met for coffee the next day and he already had a few ideas for me. Great!
We touched base here and there and, per his directions, I stopped sending out my resume completely. Really not a big deal since I hadn't started job hunting in full force.
Within a few weeks the headhunter got me a job interview at one of the two companies he had mentioned over coffee. Alas, almost from the first word at the interview I knew that this wasn't the place for me. They were looking for a JAVA programmer and that's not me. Afterward I gave the headhunter a call and the lowdown on what went on, telling him that the next person he sends should be skilled in JAVA.
Not to worry, he said, he would also be talking to another company for me. One where I really wanted to try but that he had pooh-poohed in an earlier conversation. Suddenly, he could line up a lunch with some hiring mucky-muck and he'd get me the details shortly.
A week passed. I would call once every two days to check in. I wanted to keep myself front of mind while not being a pest. I finally got good news. The meeting would be set within a few more days.
Then everything fell apart.
I had a day of running errands. While I was out I got a call from the headhunter.
"Hey," he asked, "Have you sent your resume over to this company?"
"No, why?"
"No worries. Just one of the peons told me that your resume was already in the system."
"It must have been from the last time I was looking for work," I assured him. "I've not sent out my resume since you told me not to."
A few hours later I got another call. Oddly, it ran almost identically.
"No, I promise, I haven't sent my resume to anyone," I assured him again.
And, again, an hour after that.
"Are you sure you didn't send your resume there?"
Now I started to doubt myself. Why was he being so insistent? Had I sent it?
"I don't remember ever sending my resume over there, but I'm out all day today so I can't look. Can I call you again when I get home?"
Hours later I was home and looking through all of my email records. Nothing there. Then I went into LinkedIn.
Sure enough. That Thursday I got fired I had sent in my resume to the company in question. I got right on the phone and gave my headhunter a call to tell him on my mistake.
If you're not familiar with how headhunters work, they have to be the source for a lead, otherwise he (or she) can be blown off as in, "We were going to look at this candidate anyway so screw you and your commission. We're not paying." That I had sent in my resume on my own suddenly nullified his claim on me, meaning that he had been working for nothing to get me the appointment with the mucky muck.
The headhunter was livid to say the least. He told me that I had to write to the mucky muck and her two assistants (who he had basically been calling liars throughout the day [unbeknownst to me] based on my emails) to apologize and tell them that he had been mislead.
Oh, great. This would be a good way to get a job.
So help me, I did exactly what the headhunter asked, throwing myself on my own sword with an apology where I had to basically admit that I was a dumb ass for forgetting that I had sent my resume to the company where I wanted to work. Doesn't that just scream, "Hire this guy!"?
Apology sent (with a BCC to the Headhunter), I waited a day or two for the dust to settle before calling him again. My next call went straight to voicemail. My subsequent texts a few days later went unanswered. I was going through my Headhunter's neighborhood (where we'd met for coffee beforehand) so I asked if he'd like to grab another cup. No response. After a week without phone, text, or email I finally texted again to say, "Are you mad at me or something?"
That started a torrent of responses. Yes, he was mad at me for being a "fucking liar" and besmirching his professional standing. He unloaded on me with a series of texts telling me how disappointed he was with me. Basically, he was firing me as a client.
Suffice it to say, this put my job hunt off the rails for a while.
Despite this mea culpa, I still pursued a job at this place. I sent reached out again only to be told, "You're not technical enough for this job." Meanwhile, the position for which I was applying sounded tailored to me. I called back a few days later and told the human resources liaison, "You need to look at my resume again. I'm very technical."
Surprisingly, she called me back to say that someone else looked at my resume and that he'd give me a phone interview in a few days. That got cancelled only to be rescheduled as an in-person with that guy along with a few members of his team.
Even after all that, I didn't get the job. Though the human resources person told me that she thought the guy who interviewed me was crazy for not hiring me.
I found that there were few-to-no companies doing actual hiring but there were plenty dealing with contract places. It seems that this is the way things are going at least that was my experience. Contracting seems to avoid sticky and/or expensive things like health benefits, vacation time, and loyalty. A contractor can be terminated in a heartbeat. A contractor doesn't earn vacation time via the company but only via the contract company -- if available. A contractor isn't a drain on the company's health care expenses.
I got involved with several contract companies and, as it was, apart from the two interviews I had previously on (see above), I went over a month without any. The, suddenly, I had several interviews all set for a two week period.
One contract company didn't want to send me on an interview unless I agreed that I'd take the job if it was offered. "I don't want to waste my time or their time if you don't intend on taking this job." It seems that this guy had already had had his time wasted by someone else who had interviewed, got an offer, made a counter offer, got it matched, and then turned down the job regardless. Oddly enough, that person was a former co-worker of mine.
I went ahead and agreed, feeling obligated a bit to make up for my coworker's mistake. Plus, I felt that I could do her job with my eyes closed where we worked (and often did) so why not do it and get paid a lot more than I had been making?
And that brings me to the end of this long-winded story. I ended up taking the job when it was offered and have been here ever since. It's not the job I wanted but it's the job I got and I've learned a lot while I've been here, albeit not necessarily about the position for which I was hired.
I also learned a lot about how people are hired (or not) around Detroit.
Being without a day job sometimes has its advantages. I've had ample opportunity lately to begin researching in earnest some upcoming projects including helping Greydon Clark out on an autobiography and writing a book tentatively titled "Gould and Sutherland in the '70s." This may just become "Gould in the '70s" as I'm having some trouble connecting with Donald Sutherland.
It's kind of funny. Sutherland's publicist has been blocking me, asking why I would want to write about both of these guys "since they were only in one movie together." I had to really restrain myself from being a know-it-all and saying, "Actually, your client was in three films with Mr. Gould; M*A*S*H, Little Murders, and SPYS." I'm going to try to go around this person if I can but things aren't looking so good at the moment. If anyone has a better line to Donald Sutherland, I'd love to try it.
In the meantime, I'm having a heck of a lot of fun watching and re-watching Elliott Gould's output from the '70s and researching these films. I've even been lucky enough to track down some of his appearances on TV in things like an Olivia Newton-John special. Whoo-boy! I've re-pitched Gould on working with me on this project (if it were a non-Gould/Sutherland book) and await his response. Regardless, I'm going to go ahead with the project and just hope that he'll see fit to be a part of it. He has had a fascinating career and his work in the '70s was something of a microcosm of what that decade represents to me.
Of course, work on the podcast still continues. I've been very fortunate to speak to some fascinating folks and have had a blast recording these with a wide range of co-hosts. I can't believe it's been almost a year since that started. It's been both a highly-frustrating and rewarding process.
Thanks to everyone who's been so supportive while I've been off. I appreciate all the books that people have been buying and the links folks have been passing my way.
I don't like saying that I was "fired." That implies that I did something wrong. Maybe I did but it wasn't just my head on the block last Thursday. It was a number of people. How many? I'm not quite sure yet since I wasn't there.
I don't like saying that I was "laid off" as that implies that I'll be called back. There's no other word for it that "downsized," I suppose.
You see, it was my first day of vacation. Well, "staycation," really. Andrea and my Mom headed off to Hawaii that morning while I stayed at home with our three dogs and my Mom's two. I had plans of hanging out, watching movies, doing some writing, and taking the occasional phone call from work to keep my project there on track. I had brought home my work laptop in anticipation of some documentation updates.
When the phone rang and my boss's name came up I knew something bad was about to happen. Ever since I came back to work after my layoff in 2010, I'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thought that I was going to be able to make it through the current round of cuts, especially as my supervisor kept saying, "Oh, there's nothing to worry about. We've proven just how valuable we are and have so much work coming down that we're safe."
Despite these assurances, I still put two and two together when the phone rang. I'm not sure just how many other people got let go that day but maybe I'll find out Tuesday when I bring my laptop back to work and sign my separation paperwork.
Oddly, things haven't sunk in yet. Maybe because I was in vacation mode. Maybe when next Monday, the day I was supposed to return, rolls around it'll hit me.
I'm trying to take it all in stride and look at the positive things like being able to dedicated more time to a few book projects, my podcast, and some other things. And then the job hunting begins...
Though I took a few months off between touring Impossibly Funky around after 2010, I kept trying to work that publicity angle throughout the early part of 2011. I completed my second book tour in late May/early June and, in effect, I completed book touring altogether unless I suddenly find myself with some kind of lucrative publishing deal some day. I met a lot of great people but I sure didn't sell enough books to make the trip worthwhile.
A lot of the folks I met on my travels with Impossibly Funky in 2010 and 2011 ended up writing for me in the "Revenge of Print" issue of Cashiers du Cinemart. This came out a month early in August though I have yet to get all of the old school photocopied and stapled issues out to my distributor (and, thus, out to stores). In the meantime, CdC 16 is available via a print-on-demand service.
In March I co-founded a podcast, The Projection Booth. Since then there has been a new episode (or two) available each week. Nearly all of them feature interviews with the filmmakers behind the movies covered. It's been great connecting and/or re-connecting with folks and sharing my love of some terrific films.
Doing all of the research for the show has really helped bolster my confidence and led to benefits for other work that I've done in 2011 including the piece I wrote for the new Paracinema magazine all about horror parodies of the '80s and the chapter I wrote on Airplane II: The Sequel for an upcoming book from BearManor Media.
I had a blast hanging out with Greydon Clark in April at Horror Hound and in September. I'm still hoping to work with him on his autobiography (fingers crossed). I also had a lot of fun with the fine folks at the Blue Water Film Festival. BWFF marked the fist time that Chris Gore and I ever officially met (though we were both in The People Vs. George Lucas).
Along with Horror Hound and Blue Water, I also attended the CIMMFest in Chicago in April where I got to see the premiere of Freaks in Love, the Alice Donut documentary.
If you know me, you know how much I love to travel. 2011 marked the first year I'd been to Europe since 1991, and my first time on the Iberian peninsula. Andrea and I had a blast in Barcelona. I miss it just about every day.
Please feel free to go through the archives of this blog for more fun or check out the links below. Stay tuned in 2012 for more good stuff.
I knew that things were going to be good when we rounded the corner to our hotel (The Riviera) and saw that the Village People were playing there. That kind of made up for the Elvis show at the Aria being dark for the week.
Andrea and I went to Las Vegas from November 9-13 ostensibly to get re-re-marries on 11/11/2011. Fittingly, this is our 11th anniversary year and we had originally planned on getting married on 11/11/2001 until the date was changed on us. Long story. Let's just say that family politics were involved and we still shake our fists and gnash our teeth in anger over this one. Regardless, we were there to set the record straight and take advantage of the date. As it turned out, a lot of other couples were in Vegas with similar plans.
Our wedding was one of three that were performed within the twenty minutes we were at A Hollywood Chapel on Las Vegas Blvd. The place had it down to a science, including adding in all of the extra perks to charge people more money. "With the package you get a roll of film. If you'd like, we can give you digital pictures for $20 more..." "No, that's fine, we'll take the film." "With the package, you get the ceremony on VHS. For $30 more, we'll give you a DVD." "That's fine, we'll take the VHS."
There's no VCR in the building and the photographer was obviously using a digital camera. When we were getting ready to leave the same saleswoman told us that the officiant/minister was so nice that he bought us the upgrade. I think we were supposed to then tip him for his generosity but I think he would have been fairly surprised to hear that he'd paid $50 out of his own pocket for us. We laughed about this all day.
Weddings were in the air; one couple even got married on stage at the Village People concert that night as part of the encore. Alas, they were a hetero couple. I had hoped that the Village People might be a little more progressive than that. Maybe the boys were being on good behavior since Felipe's father was in the audience but they were posturing as very straight all evening.
I had figured that the guys going under the name "The Village People" these days would be six twentysomething dudes who might have seen Can't Stop the Music a couple times and knew the lyrics to "Macho Man" as a qualification. Surprisingly, apart from The Leather Man, all of the guys in the Village People had been in the band since 1980 or earlier.
Apart from a couple of teenagers, I think I was the youngest person there. The show was good though they didn't do as many of their original songs as I'd have liked. I had really hoped for more of a Live and Sleazy playlist with some Can't Stop the Music tunes in there too. They did some of their hits and a couple covers but I could have done for a few more hours of Village People music.
Most of our time was spent reading, walking, eating and gambling; in that order. On Thursday and Saturday I was in my glory as we got to hang out with Greydon Clark and Marly a bit.
The other high point of our weekend came just as we were leaving. We took a taxi from the hotel to the airport. The driver did the usual patter, asking us where we were from, asking about the weather and the politics happening in Michigan, and giving us a dismal forecast of the future. He seemed very down on the state of things as he and Andrea talked state funding. I almost said, "It's too early to talk politics," to try and shut him up but I'm so glad I didn't. As we went along we went past the Occupy Las Vegas camp the driver started telling us that the whole Occupy movement is actually a government-created plot to keep people busy, all headed up by a good friend of President Obama.
And then he went off the deep end.
"I'm going to tell you something that's going to blow your mind," he told us. I wished that I had started recording him because what he laid on us was an incredibly dense web of conspiracy theory nuttiness that just couldn't be topped. He told us that Barak Obama's real name was Barry Soetoro and that he had been to Mars as part of the colonization of our sister planet (via Tesla-based teleportation technology, 'natch). He spun this wild tale of Martians, the Rothchilds, and Queen Elizabeth II. When he was at a breaking point, with a straight face, I told him, "That's funny because I had heard something very similar but about Gerald Ford..." I went on to tell him a little bit of the plot outline of Mondo Ford. I hope like hell that he looked it up when he got home and believed every word of this Ricardo Fratelli classic:
The scariest thing about what this guy was spewing is that I just googled "Obama Mars Barry" and came up with two million hits.
Port Huron, a big little town at the tip of Michigan's thumb, played host to the third annual Blue Water Film Festival from October 6-8, 2011. One couldn't have asked for a better weekend. The sun shone, the breeze blew, and the clouds stayed away.
Things kicked on on Thursday night with a laugh. Comedian Dave Coulier did some stand-up at the McMorran Place Sports & Entertainment Center, the main location of the festival activities. I've never been a big Full House fan so some of the mullet jokes went over my head but I still had a good time.
The audience at the McMorran Place on opening night
Afterward, I headed over to The Vintage Tavern with festival organizers Jeremy Stemen and Kelly Kennedy along with Detroit Windsor International Film Festival bigwig Suzanne Janik. There I finally met Chris Gore. Yes, after twenty-some years, Gore and I were finally in the same room at the same time. Remarkably, the earth stayed in its orbit and sunspots failed to obliterate the moon. As evidenced by the introduction Gore penned for Impossibly Funky: A Cashiers du Cinemart Collection, we've managed to bury the hatchet over the years -- and not between our shoulder blades.
Festival Organizers Jeremy Stemen and Kelly Kennedy
At one point during the night Jeremy asked me if I'd like to be on the radio for an interview the next morning. "Sure!" I said, before he told me that he'd pick me up at 7AM. I quickly excused myself but still didn't find myself in bed until 2AM. Within moments of walking into the station I was sporting headphones and pontificating in front of the mic.
That became par for the course that day as I relied heavily on my ability to chat at the drop of a hat later on at the "Icons & Idols" panel discussion at The Alley Room that afternoon and later at The Vintage where I interviewed several of the filmmakers from and supporters of the Blue Water Film Festival. Fortunately, I had gotten warmed up earlier in the day with Sid Haig. In town for the big premiere of Douglas Schultz's Mimesis, Haig sat down with me for about an hour-long interview. Both the review of Mimesis and interview transcription are to come.
Mimesis cast members Gavin Grazer, Allen Maldonado, and Sid Haig at The Alley Room
That Friday evening was the big Mimesis screening. Some members of the cast showed up at McMorran in a limo to walk down the red carpet. My friend Gina--a huge Sid Haig fan--joined me and was stunned to get her picture taken with Haig before the show started. She even wore her Captain Spaulding t-shirt.
Mimesis speaks to Romero's Night of the Living Dead in some very clever ways. It's truly homage (as opposed to a rip off) and it was a blast seeing the film with such a large, enthusiastic audience. The Blue Water Film Festival went all out for the screening, too, with dozens of people dressed up as zombies who shambled around the theater lobby before and after the show.
Cute Zombie Couple at McMorran Place
Also, BWFF had a room next to the theater where, after the show, folks could meet the cast and get their Mimesis posters signed. This garnered a tremendous response with the last of the zombies being swept away after 1AM. Jeremy, Kelly and I headed back to The Alley Room for one last drink before turning in.
Saturday morning I went downstairs at the Thomas Edison Inn for a little breakfast where I was soon joined by Chris Gore and his girlfriend, Mary Forrest. Despite all of the fun things that I did at the BWFF, this was definitely one of the highlights of the weekend. We geeked out for hours, talking about movies, books, television, the web, and more. Gore shared some of the projects he's been cooking up including FetishVIL, a web series that sounds right up my alley. It's currently in the financing stages over at IndieGoGo.com/FetishVIL. I threw in a couple bucks as I'd love to see this come to fruition.
The majority of the films at the BWFF played on Saturday in three blocks at the McMorran Place. I had seen everything that played beforehand with the exception of one movie, Clean Break. I made sure to catch this one and, of course, found that it was right up my alley. The story of a struggling writer who also happens to be a skeleton, Ryan Lieske's Clean Break reminded me of the great, goofy stuff I used to enjoy every fall at Baltimore's MicroCineFest.
After the screenings it was time to give away some awards. I was glad that Kelly Kennedy went after me to present The Golden Mitten award to actor/director Timothy Busfield. She was wonderfully eloquent compared to my mush-mouthed stammering as I got up behind the lectern to present Chris Gore with the BWFF Golden Thumb award for his contributions to film. Here's the speech I tried to give before he came up to accept his award:
First off, I want to thank the Blue Water Film Festival for the honor of presenting this award. I've had a wonderful time this weekend and feel that I should be presenting the festival organizers and volunteers with an award for the great job they've done in putting together such a fine, fun festival.
But, I'm here to present an award to an esteemed peer -- a fellow film fan and movie nerd, Chris Gore.
It's funny but I think that I've known Chris for about twenty years but only finally met him this weekend. I was a fan of his invaluable movie magazine, Film Threat, since I was but a wee little geek, picking up copies at Thomas Video or Tower Records.
I'd pepper Film Threat with letter and, eventually, Chris and I began communicating via this new method: email. I can't say that Chris and I always saw eye to eye but we definitely were passionate about film in our own way.
Chris has given a lot to the movie community, sometimes to their chagrin. He's helped turn a lot of people on to films and filmmakers that flew under the radar in the pre-internet age. He provided feedback both directly through reviews and via parody. Chris's disarming and oft-alarming humor is legendary. He's also provided great insight to his fellow filmmakers and film fans with his many books including the Film Festival Survival Guide which, I hope, sits dog-eared on all of your shelves.
Films, books, television, the web -- Chris is vying for the title of King of All Media. Well, Chris, I can't give that to you, tonight, but I can give you the finger, er, oh, sorry, thumb. Thumb.
Yes, for all of Chris's achievements, it's my honor to award him with the first Golden Thumb award. Let's hear it for Chris!
Chris Gore accepting The Golden Thumb award
Me and Chris back stage at the McMorran Place
When the dust settled, here are all the filmmakers who received awards at this year's Blue Water Film Festival:
Best Actor Mike Kopera from "My Friend Peter"
Best Actress Lauren Mae Shafer from "Certain Essential Elements"
Best Screenplay Mike Kopera from "My Friend Peter"
Best Cinematography Benjamin Dell from "Senses & Nonsense"
Best Soundtrack Daniel Galeski Jr. from "Protangeline"
Best Director Jeremy Olstyn from "Strong From Detroit"
The Film Selection Committee Viewer's Choice My Friend Peter
Silver Award World of Art Submitted by Mike Allore
Gold Award Bullies on Vacation Submitted by Mike Zago
The Platinum Award The Dancer Submitted by Seth Stark
The next morning I met up with Jeremy, Chris, and Mary for a farewell breakfast. I was pleasantly surprised to find Sid Haig at our table as well. Again, we all sat and chatted for a few hours before rides to the airport started to arrive.
Port Huron is just a little over an hour away from my house and it was a beautiful drive down I-94 taking in all the colors of fall as I went.
My review of the B-Movie Celebration in 2010 was a rather whitewashed piece. I had fun while I was there, yes, but often in spite of the event itself. With expectations lowered appropriately, I kind of dreaded going back down to Franklin, Indiana in 2011 for another round of abuse.
The festival isn't all that bad. It's just that there's a lot of untapped potential there that I wanted to see come to fruition. If Cashiers du Cinemart writer Rich Osmond hadn't have been there, I would have skipped this year's event especially after so many of the announced guests and films ended up off the docket.
One of the biggest problems I have with the fest is the way that titles are trotted out and never happen. On the B-Movie Celebration Facebook group, there were three groups of films announced:
Out of the 89 35mm films from March 30, zero are on the final list.
Out of the 50 films from July 19, only 23 made the final cut (with two additional films not on any of the aforementioned lists).
Out of the 25 scheduled films, only eight were shown in 35mm.
Seeing movies on film is a big deal to me. As it was, the projection in the main theater--the ArtCraft--wasn't too bad, even the digital stuff.
Over Friday and Saturday we saw seven films. The first night we caught the new Jim Wynorski film, Camel Spiders, shot partially in Franklin, IN. The main creatures don't look like camels nor do they seem like they're spiders (it's called out at least twice in the film that they only have six legs). That aside, the movie would feel right at home on the SyFy channel with the cheesy special effects. It was good to see C. Thomas Howell in the film as the local sheriff, though I wish he'd had a little more to work with.
The second feature on Friday, Fred Olen Ray's Dino Wolf, proved to be most enjoyable. Maxwell Caulfield as the sheriff in this one was a real treat and really helped set the movie apart.
We started the next day with Varan: The Unbelievable, a Japanese film (Daikaijû Baran) that had been re-cut and padded out with American footage. The film really defies the viewer to pay attention to it. And, being shown at 10AM, several folks in the audience nodded off (including yours truly).
At noon we headed over to the (not so) Secret Theater. I'm not sure what purpose the building serves usually but two of its rooms had been turned into screening areas. We only went into the first one where it looked like paper had been tacked up onto the wall for a screen. The movie we caught, Tony Randel's Ticks, was terrific despite being marred by technical difficulties. It was shown in the wrong aspect ratio (making a lot of the female actresses' behinds look really big) and with the center sound channel completely missing. This rendered the music and sound effects perfectly audible with the dialogue completely muffled.
Despite this, I still enjoyed the film but we swore off going back to the Secret Theater for the rest of our time.
We headed back to the ArtCraft for the 1966 Batman movie. I'd never seen it before I it was quite a treat. I don't remember laughing so much at a movie in a long time.
I also did a lot of laughing at Roy Ward Baker's Legend of Seven Golden Vampires which was unintentionally hilarious, especially as some of the same sequences of film were used repeatedly; the movie seeming to start three times before finally moving forward.
Up next at the ArtCraft were the Golden Cob Awards. Knowing that I hadn't won anything, Rich and I adjourned to dinner for a while.
We came back for the festival's main attraction, a screening of Killer Klowns from Outer Space on 35mm with the Chiodo brothers as guests and a post-screening Q&A done by Joe Bob Briggs. I'd never seen KKFOS before so this was the ideal way to do it.
With the Secret Theater out and the fare at the ArtCraft not appealing we headed back to the hotel to talk about truck driving music.
When all was said and done, B-Movie Celebration was fine. Could have been better but it wasn't too bad. I'll probably be skipping out on BMC from now on, looking for an event that caters more to cinephiles.
White will interview celebrities and filmmakers, fans can tune in on Facebook.
PORT HURON, Mich., September 13, 2011 - Acclaimed Michigan movie critic and journalist Mike White will serve as talent interviewer at the Blue Water Film Festival. October 6 " 8, 2011 the festival will include a stand-up comedy performance by television star Dave Coulier, "Mimesis" movie premiere and the screening of 17 independent films at McMorran in downtown Port Huron. Mike White will interview attending celebrities, filmmakers, actors and dignitaries. Video portions of the interviews will appear on the Blue Water Film Festival's website and Facebook page.
White is noted as a frequent contributor to publications such as "CinemaScope," "Paracinema," Detroit"s "Metro Times" and Detour-Mag.com White was featured in the documentaries "David Goodis: To a Pulp" and "The People Vs. George Lucas." He authored "Impossibly Funky: A Cashiers du Cinemart Collection" and weekly co-hosts "The Projection Booth" podcast.
"We wanted someone with Mike"s edgy approach and independent film industry credentials," said Jeremy Stemen, executive director of the Blue Water Film Festival. "Sharing his insight and interviews with BWFF movie-goers and fans adds an extra dimension to the great access our festival provides."
Tickets to all Blue Water Film Festival events may be purchased at www.bluewaterfilmfestival.com.
The annual Blue Water Film Festival strives to bring movies, movie stars and movie makers to Port Huron. The movies shown at the festival are diverse and enjoyable to people of all ages. For one week a year our community has the opportunity to see the stars of tomorrow in Port Huron today.
# # #
Media contact/BWFF spokesperson: Jeremy Stemen, BWFF Executive Director
(734) 658-6490 or Jeremy@BlueWaterFilmFestival.com
I'm happy to announce that I'll be participating in the Blue Water Film Festival in Port Huron, MI.
I'm going to be their "man about town," interviewing filmmakers and generally acting like a nuisance. Perfect for me. It's too early to announce all the guests but two folks who will be there for sure include comedian Dave Coulier and Chris Gore. This will be the first time Chris and I are meeting face-to-face so that promises to be fun!
I'll be in attendance from October 6-8. Tickets are available here. C'mon out for a fun time watching some Michigan-made movies.
My first film class at school had me studying under Professor Herbert Cohen. We covered the basics (Kane, Potemkin, etc), yes, but we also watched a whole heck of a lot of Ingmar Bergman films -- especially those with Gunnar Björnstrand.
I'm not sure when I realized it, but Cohen was writing a book about Bergman (Ingmar Bergman: The Art of Confession) and using our class as a bit of an excuse to re-watch/study a number of Bergman's films, focusing quite a bit on movies with Gunnar Björnstrand, one of Bergman's stock players.
I'm going to take a page from Cohen's book. Not the one about Bergmen but I'm going to do the same thing in the coming months/weeks. I've been asked to come aboard as a writer at DailyGrindhouse.com and I'm going to be reviewing some movies that I've been wanting to write about in a larger context:
The films of Alfred Sole
The films of Oldrich Lipsky
The films of Jean-Pierre Melville
Elliot Gould/Donald Sutherland '70s films
The films of Greydon Clark
Films related to the above
Stuff I've been wanting to write about
I'm also going to be delving into some horror spoofs from the early '80s. Wish me luck.
More than anything, I'm hoping this kicks my butt into gear with some writing I've been wanting to do outside of Cashiers du Cinemart #16. I'm off to the races.
It's a great time to be a fan of documentaries. In recent years, one can't walk a yard without tripping over a documentary film or filmmaker. That said, if one watches a number of documentary films one will start to see a few faces quite often. I refer to these people as "doc whores."
There's nothing wrong with being a doc whore. Hell, it's something to which I aspire. But, spotting a doc whore can make for a fun drinking game.
Apparently no one nominated Impossibly Funky for the Rondo Awards this time around. Don't worry, I'll get over it... in a few decades. Until then, there are some great things nominated for the awards this time around. Here's what I'm voting for:
1. BEST MOVIE OF 2010 - Daybreakers
2. BEST TELEVISION PRESENTATION - Fringe
3. BEST CLASSIC DVD - Crack in the World
4. BEST CLASSIC DVD COLLECTION - Fantomas
5. BEST RESTORATION - Metropolis
6. BEST COMMENTARY - Stephen Romano, Star Crash
7. BEST DVD EXTRA - M
8. BEST INDIE FILM OR DOC - The Rock: The Ed Wood of the 21st Century
10. BOOK OF THE YEAR - Destroy All Movies
11. BEST MAGAZINE of 2010 - Paracinema
12. BEST ARTICLE - 'The Blu Planet: Return to Ape City', 'We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes'
13. BEST INTERVIEW - Allan Arkush: 'Rock 'n Roll Cult Classic,'
14. BEST MAGAZINE COVER - Paracinema #10
15. BEST WEBSITE - Trailers from Hell
16. BEST BLOG OF 2010 - Schlockmania - http://www.schlockmania.com/
19. FAVORITE HORROR HOST OF 2010 - Svengoolie
20. BEST HORROR AUDIO - Rue Morgue Radio
24. CLASSIC IN NEED OF RESTORATION - Blackmail (Hitchcock)
25. WRITER OF THE YEAR - Kimberly Lindbergs
27. ARTIST OF THE YEAR - Jim Rugg (www.jimrugg.com)
In case you're interested: All voting is by e-mail only. Simply copy this ballot and send an e-mail with your name and picks to taraco@aol.com by midnight, March 27, 2011.
Please take the time to vote in this event! And, if you want to write me in Impossibly Funky, I won't object.
After participating with and listening to podcasts galore I've decided to throw my hat into the ring and add my whiny voice to the fray.
I'm teaming up with Justin at Mondo-Video.com to put together our version of a podcast, The Projection Booth (www.projection-booth.com). I'll be sure to share our declaration of principles as soon as we get them banged out.
Look for a launch in March, 2011. We hope to be original and erudite. Stay tuned and follow us on twitter at @proboothcast!
I'm proud to announce that I have a short flick, Porno Person, playing in the 2011 Cinekink Film Festival in NYC.
Porno Person plays at 1PM on Saturday, March 5, 2011 along with When Harry Met Chesty and Jamie Popowich's feature documentary Run, Run, It's Him!. The festival takes place from March 1-6, 2011 at the Anthology Film Archives.
I'm excited and anxious about a trip to Spain that Andrea and I are taking at the end of January/beginning of February. Neither of us have been to Spain. We'll be staying in Barcelona at the Hotel Gran la Florida.
I've been looking at old episodes of "Bizarre Foods" and "No Reservations" as well as documentaries on Gaudi. I'm hoping to talk some of the guys from the Sitges Festival up to Barcelona tener una cervesa con elles. I've also heard about a new screening series called Phenomena and a festival, DocsBarcelona that should coincide with the trip, though I'm not sure how many movies I'll be up to seeing. Here's hoping I can catch up on a lot of reading and maybe some writing as well as movie watching while on the long plane flight.
If you've any suggestions on things to do or see, please let me know.
