Downsized!

I don't like saying that I was "fired." That implies that I did something wrong. Maybe I did but it wasn't just my head on the block last Thursday. It was a number of people. How many? I'm not quite sure yet since I wasn't there.

I don't like saying that I was "laid off" as that implies that I'll be called back. There's no other word for it that "downsized," I suppose.

You see, it was my first day of vacation. Well, "staycation," really. Andrea and my Mom headed off to Hawaii that morning while I stayed at home with our three dogs and my Mom's two. I had plans of hanging out, watching movies, doing some writing, and taking the occasional phone call from work to keep my project there on track. I had brought home my work laptop in anticipation of some documentation updates.

When the phone rang and my boss's name came up I knew something bad was about to happen. Ever since I came back to work after my layoff in 2010, I'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thought that I was going to be able to make it through the current round of cuts, especially as my supervisor kept saying, "Oh, there's nothing to worry about. We've proven just how valuable we are and have so much work coming down that we're safe."

Despite these assurances, I still put two and two together when the phone rang. I'm not sure just how many other people got let go that day but maybe I'll find out Tuesday when I bring my laptop back to work and sign my separation paperwork.

Oddly, things haven't sunk in yet. Maybe because I was in vacation mode. Maybe when next Monday, the day I was supposed to return, rolls around it'll hit me.

I'm trying to take it all in stride and look at the positive things like being able to dedicated more time to a few book projects, my podcast, and some other things. And then the job hunting begins...