I don't know who they've got working over at moviefone.com, but someone managed to finally write one of those snarky online lists that hit the mark at every turn. The 25 Worst Movie Remakes of All Time starts with Rob Zombie's version of HALLOWEEN and ends with Gus Van Sant's PSYCHO. Everything in between is just as solid -- though I will say that the cheese factor of THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU (#9) was so high that I enjoyed it, and I kinda liked the American version of THE RING (#14).
I might only add to this list -- all of those horrible remakes of Stephen King-based films (THE SHINING, CARRIE, etc) don't count since they're made-for-TV but here are some other titles to gnaw on:
- KISS OF DEATH*
- GONE IN 60 SECONDS*
- ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13**
- THE FOG**
- BAD NEWS BEARS
- AMITYVILLE HORROR
- THE OMEN
- RED DRAGON (if considered a remake of MAN HUNTER)
- WILLY WONKA (versus CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY)
- TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
- LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (remake of THE VIRGIN SPRING)
- KING KONG
- SHALL WE DANCE?
- LAST MAN STANDING (if considered a remake of YOJIMBO/FISTFUL OF DOLLARS and not just another version of Red Harvest)
- POINT OF NO RETURN (remake of LA FEMME NAKITA)
- BLACK CHRISTMAS
- THE HILLS HAVE EYES
- THE WIZARD OF GORE
I'm already counting on these remakes to suck:
- LOGAN'S RUN
- EVIL DEAD
- DEATH RACE 2000
*Please note GONE IN 60 SECONDS and KISS OF DEATH on the above list. Add to that CITY OF ANGELS (remake of WINGS OF DESIRE) and THE WICKER MAN and you've got a formula that must be heeded. Remake + Nicholas Cage = Cinematic Suckfest. The Pang brothers should really have paid attention before casting him in their upcoming American remake of BANGKOK DANGEROUS.
**Also note THE FOG and ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13. It's ironic -- Carpenter did a great job remaking Howard Hawks's THE THING, his remake of VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED stunk on ice, and he's done a decent job remaking his own material (GHOSTS OF MARS) but remaking a Carpenter film is dangerous business indeed. Are you listening ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (2009) producers?
For old time's sake... here's the best of Cage in THE WICKER MAN.